I think I posted this in the wrong forum, so maybe this is a better spot for it, sorry for the dupe!

Hi, this is my first post and I am in desperate need for some wise Dber’s. I have read DB twice and also have had 1 phone coaching session earlier this week. I guess I’m just seeking some guidance.

I am not married, but engaged to a wonderful women (or better yet was). We dated for 2 years before getting engaged, and have lived together for about 6 months. Everything was amazing up until a couple months ago. She was put out of work after a month of living together because of an injury and did not work for 6 months, the entire time she stayed at home. About a month after she got hurt she started questioning ‘us’. She didn’t know if she loved me the same way anymore or ever did. At the same time my career was taking off. Of course I was very upset, but just contributed it to her not working. I did everything wrong, begged, cried, everything. She would go back and forth telling me that she was in love with me and didn’t know what was the matter with her. I was holding on for her to start working again, and then see how she felt. She has in the past suffered from depression which she was still on medication for.

Well, in Feb she started back at work and moved out without telling me. Every time she spoke to me about it before she would always say she didn’t know what was wrong, and she wanted to stay. After she moved out she said she wanted to stay together and work towards us again, but just needed some time. We tried the separation for a couple weeks, talking every couple days, scheduling dates ect… but didn’t talk about us or the future unless she brought it up. I wish I would have read the book before this, because I was getting results I wanted during the separation. She would tell me that she loved me and hold my hand and call me just to say hi. This was when I was acting ‘As if’. Unfortunately it was very stressful to me and I gave up about 3 weeks after she moved out. We parted ways with respect and no hatred. That was about 1 month ago, and I haven’t spoken or heard from her since.

I have had time to reflect on what I did wrong in this relationship and I have found things about myself that I have missed and I’m sure she has too. There was a time when I didn’t think I would go back to her because I was happy. But now I feel like, ‘yes I can be happy without her, but I still want her as my one and only’. She is all I think about and after reading a couple books including DB, I now see faults that I did and I want to move forward with her knowing these and correcting them. After talking with a coach, she seemed to show me that the fact that she was cut out of ‘life’ outside of me could make her question us a lot more. But she also said that this situation is fixable, and that’s what I want to do. My main concern is we didn’t get to try living together after she started back at work, so she might never know how great it could have been.

The main problem is we have no assets to divide or close mutual friends who would see my 180’s. (In respect that I wouldn’t have a reason to call her friends or go out with them unless we did it as a couple.) I’m really trying to give her space, but I’m afraid that I will loose her forever unless action is taken now. My coach told me to email her. I sent her a very upbeat, light hearted email about an article I found online that she would like. Nothing heavy or relationship stuff. I ended it by ‘Talk to you soon.’ That was yesterday, and no response. I guess what should I do next? If I followed my feelings, I would run over to her apartment with a dozen roses and fall on my knees when she answer’s the door and tell her I would do the impossible for her if she let me. Or send her flowers every single day until I get some sort of communication from her. But I know that’s wrong. Also, it is her mom’s birthday next week, I’m very close to her, but haven’t talked to her since we split out of respect of her. I didn’t want to put her mom in an awkward situation. Should I send her mom a gift in the mail? For people who have worked the DB for awhile, what is my next move? Some girlfriends of mine, that are happily married have said I should hand write her a letter, telling her everything, but I don’t think that’s right. Please help, I could really use some guidance. Thanks for taking the time to read my post. \:\)