Patience, Love and (really) long suffering

[BeingMe]

I get the impression sometimes, Phoenix, that you are walking on eggshells, and whiteknuckling it through this tough time in your M. My only advice is to try and still be true to yourself and your particular personality (and do what you feel will relieve your stress without hurting anyone as best you can). We cannot go through life allowing our feelings and hopes and dreams become so subservient to another, that we lose ourselves. This is a lesson I am still learning.

I know, though, how hard it is when you so much want things to be the way it should in a good and healthy M. You end up making a lot of compromises ... for the sake of the children, or the sake of peace, or because it's expected of you as PH in the church, or out of sympathy or guilt, or whatever. I have been married for a long time, and have made so many compromises, that I'm not even sure what I truly want or believe anymore, and it's really hard to face myself and work on rectifying a lifetime of cowardly choices.

I gave a talk at church this last Sunday, and the subject was the Atonement. It went better than I hoped. I think the part I have below pertains to our struggles in our M's, and how we can have a different perspective. I am still learning, and the spiritual journey is part of it all. Near the end of my talk I said (and this really came from my heart):

"Every day we struggle to do the right thing, to make correct choices, make ends meet, be good examples, and basically do the best that we can. Sometimes, though, things don’t turn out the way we expected or hoped. But, in turning our minds and focus on the eternal aspect, we can see beyond the mundane activities of our lives. I challenge myself, and everyone to continue to seek out the Lord, to find the spiritual connection to our Saviour, and know that this life is just a small moment in eternity. We start our search (I believe) in the garden of Gethsemane."