What do you mean you got a life? I do have a life but this part of my life is dragging me down, really bad. Do you mean do things, I do, I don't know what you mean.
I don't think it was a bad idea because I feel so cheap and degraded like I'm begging. then he just does it. No foreplay, no french kissing, just on lips, just does it till he comes then goes to sleep(obligation fulfilled?). If I try to tell him what I like and don't like, he feels I'm putting him down and then will turn me down if I try again, so rather than put myself through that torture, I gave up on initiating. I'd rather suffer being w/o sex than suffer the rejection.
victory? when I'm how old? and if it comes, great, but what if it doesn't? And what could I try different? I'm at my witts end! I've been from 1-100 on everything I can think of(dressing, agressiveness, attitude), I feel like I've gone way over and above-I'm still here!!! My attitude is really not all that bad, I'm just hurting now. I'm actually a very positive person and 90 percent of the time I'm in a good mood, joking and laughing a lot. I feel I'm a good listener, give input when I think I need to/quiet when not. I've backed him every time he wants to do something. I even felt that I lost myself completely for a while like I was living his life & I was gone. when I realized that I had gotten lost somewhere in this mess, I started doing stuff for myself(not excluding him)and it did me a world of good, but the same haunting "thing" keeps coming back. I would like to beat the odds and taste that victory but I feel defeated right now.
