I get it patience patience patience..... unfortunately I am human and want to rush into the piecing stage and then on to my M being better then it has ever been stage.
Alright I think tonight is the night to start looking for the new wardrobe. My W got a babysitter so there is no reason for me to rush home. It is time to buy some clothes that fit. I am down 30+ pounds, can I patent the infidelity diet? Since nothing seems to fit anymore it is time for me to buy new clothes. I was also thinking about picking up a muti-vitaman since I do not eat very well anymore.
Psalm 37:7-8 37:7 Wait patiently for the Lord! Wait confidently for him! Do not fret over the apparent success of a sinner, a man who carries out wicked schemes! 37:8 Do not be angry and frustrated! Do not fret! That only leads to trouble!
I know what you mean about the infidlelity diet. Actually, I'm proud of the weight loss, but it is an awful way to do it. I remember one morning getting up to get ready for school and putting on some pants that I hadn't wore in about a month, I looked like one of those weight loss commercials where you put the pants on and hold them out. I'm down about 4 sizes. I am getting lots of compliments. Although my H has noticed it I don't get near the compliments from him that I do other people. As you can see I'm working on patience also, but it sure is hard!
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
I know everybody is going to tell me to be patient. I know I know...
My wife has been telling me that I just need to move on and try to have a happy and fulfilled life - without her of course. How can my life be fulfilled when my girls are taken from me. How can my life be fulfilled when the one I am bonded with is nolonger with me.
Matt. 19
19:3 Then some Pharisees came to him in order to test him. They asked, “Is it lawful to divorce a wife for any cause?” 19:4 He answered, “Have you not read that from the beginning the Creator made them male and female, 19:5 and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and will be united with his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? 19:6 So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.”
I just recieved an Email from my W telling me that she is fine and that she is finally finding out who she is and that she has compromised for years with our relationship. Spiritually she is beyond ok.... She is drained trying to share with me her soul. She will nolonger fake intimacy with me....
On a positive note she did say that she would go to counseling with me to work on our communication for our girls sake. But the goal is to not work on us, but, it is so we can handle each other in a mutual situation. This way the girls do not see mom and dad being disrespectfull to each other.
Here is another lovely quote from my W.
"i am tired of the shell and i know i can not go back into that cocoon. part of me has begun to feel passion, intense emotions and feelings that i did not think i was capable of ever experiencing, however while finding myself and beginning to realize that i need to pursue the things that are within me this has only begun to surface even more."
I am going to keep DBing but my marraige feels doomed and hopeless. sIs thi reaction normal from a WAS?
I do not know anymore... I know that I am loved, currently not by my W, but loved by God and everyone else that he has put in my life.
EMT, Once more from the top: "Believe none of what you hear and only half of what you see."
In the mean time, focus on YOU, your kids and your GAL activities! Get mad if you need to get mad, just let the frustration out through a positive outlet (exercise works for me). Find your passion in life, use the time you have to find your self!
You can do this!
SD.
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
Thanks SuperDad.... Getting daggers thrown at you everytime she wants to talk about our M or R is tiring.
Well I decided on my way home from work that I wanted to spend sometime with my girls and did not feel like sitting around my house all weekend. So we spent lastnight at my parents house and I plan on doing the same tonight. We went over to a good friend of mine house last night which ended up being good for me and the girls. Tonight there is a party at one of my friends house that I plan on crashing, in the mean time the girls and I are going to hang with my parents.
Oh I should mention that once I did get home from work my W was pleasant but still cold as ice.
Oh, I feel for you. I don't even know what to say. You have had some pretty harsh words thrown at you. I do agree with what someone else said... they are acting crazy and they do. They say and do things you never would have dreamed. It is like a bad nightmare that you can't wake up from. Going to buy yourself something new and different works for me... so go buy those new clothes... you deserve it!
Just hang in there. It is always good to vent here, don't ever think you are complaing. That is why we are all here, to help and to listen and learn.
Well the last day or so has been good for me, no real contact or communication with the W, not that this is what I want but it has been emotionally draining lately. I spent last night at my parents and am spending tonight also. I spent the last two nights with friends that love me unconditionally which is nice to be around. My girls have had a wonderful time with me and my parents. Tomorrow we will get up and get ready for church and then head back home. My W is working tomorrow so I should only see her for a short period of time and then on Monday I probably won't see her at all. She will have IC and I will have class. Hopefully this break will recharge my battery a bit to get me through the rest of the week. Next, weekend I am flying out to the west coast for work, this is my last trip for a while. I'm hoping it is well timed, we will see. My last work trip is when I discovered DR and this website, so I am hoping that something positive will come out of this trip. I am currently getting some weekend work done then hopefully getting a good nights rest.
I hope and pray that everyone is doing well. Thanks again everyone for the advice and encouragement.
Today was another day were I pretty much did not see my W. I was actually disappointed for my girls sake. I really thought that my W would meet us at church or atleast be home once we got home from church - she did neither. I am tired of apologizing to my D5 for my W actions or non family involvement. My D5 was really heart broken that she did not get to see her mom this morning.
After we got over the disappointment of my W not being home, we had lunch and went outside to play. We where over next door playing Baseball with the neighbors and then had dinner with them later in the evening.
Once my W got home from work I went for a run and veggied out on our front porch for a little while. Once I got back in I showered and waiting for me when I was done was my W ready to talk about our R, or should I say lack of R. She asked if I recieved her email the other day to which I said yes. I really did not want to talk about M or R because the weekend was good and I did not want her to ruin it for me. Well I did tell her that I did not want to talk and if we do talk we should have a counselor or some sort of mediator. Well she decided to talk anyways....
Here is a recap: W - So what do we do now? Me - I don't think we should rush into anything until we sit down with a counselor and maybe they could help us make some decisions. W - You realize all these feeling that have been coming out the last 4 months have been there for the last 7 years. Me - Yes, I understand that fully or I atleast hear you telling me this.. W - Do you know for the last 2 yrs that when were intimate and the fact that I did not feel connected with you made me feel used and degraded. Me - I know this now.... Why did you not tell me this made you feel this way? We could have worked on this years ago.... W - Yes, you are right but I tried to make connections with you and always hit a wall. We never connected.... Me - Neither of our attempts at connecting ever worked because we both tried to connect to each other in the way that we need to feel connected. To be honest all your attempts at connecting with me always felt artificial and that you were trying to change me into someone that I am not. W - Well I feel that our whole M has been artificial. I never said anything because I thought how could I complain? I have it all, house, kids, money,etc..... Accept an intimate connection with you. Even over the last 4 months when I tried to share with you I never got anything from you.(Ok this really sucks because I have been trying not to talk and be a good listener. I have had to bite my tongue to do so....I will use this statement as a learning statement for me....)
That was pretty much it because the puppy decided to pee all over our bathroom at this moment.
I guess what I learned tonight is that no matter how bad it hurts I need to talk through everything my W is throwing at me. Or do I take her comment as BS and she is just using that for more justification to leave? I do not know....
Well it is getting late and I have to get up early. I will try to get some sleep.
I have a couple of thoughts.. First, the whole "lack of connection" thing sounds waaaayyy too familiar to me. This is one of her excuses for having the OM. Think about a new relationship and the emotional high you are on.. That's not what a long-term marriage feels like but it sure is fun when it's happening,isn't it? So, while she is feeling this "connection" w/OM, she can't possibly feel connected to you! So, yes.. in a way - it's BS.
Second - you handled that discussion VERY well. You are doing great.. Let her talk and you be a great listener. Be her friend. Listen closely to what she is saying. Validate her feelings. Is there something else she needs from you that you could begin to do?
Also try and remember she is in la la land - they DO NOT THINK STRAIGHT. It is a very selfish mode and all they think about is how happy they are when with the OP!!!
You cannot believe anything she says right now - if I had listened/believed my H then we would already be divorced by now. The thing is the more time he spent with OW the more things he found out that bugged him - WTH this was less than 8 mos or an "R" I doubt they would have lasted even if I had given up. H said they were fine when it was just the two of them - but that is not reality they never factored in the ex-spouses, their kids, their family and friends. They were in a bubble just the two of them!
Me41 H44 * M16 yrs * D13 S10 8/06 H wants a D * 1/07 OW Truth 2/07 Searated * 7/07 H moved home First Thread Surviving Separation Now Piecing
As you can see I'm working on patience also, but it sure is hard!