H just called me (at work). He sounded completely down and said that he wanted to ask me a favor. I told him OK. You can ask me anything. He got quiet then said he wasn't going to ask me. I told him that I wasn't going to get mad or upset at him and that I would listen to what he wanted me to do for him. He got quiet again for a LONG time. I sat in silence with him for what seemed like an eternity and finally I said, "Are you going to ask me." He said "no" and I said OK, but you know you can if you want. Silence again. Then he finally said, "I want you to think really really really realy really really hard about (another long silence) me moving back and us trying to work things out."
I remained completely calm. And told him that I would think about it. That he knows I want us to work out, but that we can't work on us until he gets some things sorted out. Mainly I told him that OW has to be completely out of the picture. I told him that I wanted him to be completely done and over her before we could really think about us together because I wasn't going to be in a marriage with 3 people. I told him that I knew that wasn't going to be an easy thing for him to do as he's very attached to her and "in love" and it's not going to be just an "OK it's been nice knowing you!" type of a thing. I told him that I would wait for him to sort out his things. He thanked me and apologized for what he'd done and what he was doing (first time he's done that) and told me that I had done nothing to him besides be nice and kind to him through all of this.
He admitted that he's got a lot of stuff going on in his brain right now that he can't make sense of and he appreciates my patience while he works through it. I told him I would be there if he wanted to talk or vent or cry or hug or whatever, but that I couldn't do much more than that for him since this was something he was going to have to work out on his own. I never mentioned MLC or any of that. Just tried to be a calm patient and loving friend. He told me that he loved me and that he misses us so much (he really broke down crying when he said that). He said OW knows that too and senses it and he said he would probably have a serious talk with her tonight.
I have no illusions that this will be "it" though. I know it could take months longer than this for this to be really over. I'm glad I've read up and am prepared for that so that it doesn't come as a shock to me. It's still going to be hard, but at least I'm a little more prepared for it.
UGH! This is all so hard! I'll keep you guys posted.
There is only one person who could ever make you happy, and that person is you. David Burns, Intimate Connections
