It is fantastic to hear how well you are doing and I'm so glad your H has finally moved back into your room!! It really makes you feel like you are getting there doesn't it!?
I don't read what you have put and think get a grip at all. It is totally understandable after everything you have been through - go easy on yourself. Think about the last few months/year. You have had to bring up a young child whilst being pregnant on your own whilst dealing with the upset and stress of H leaving and all along you were DBg wonderfully. You've had a baby and are now looking after 2 small children and still having to DB because H has only just come home. Could you have a little post natal depression do you think? I only ask because the panic thing you describe when you were going to meet your friends is what I used to experience about taking baby out when I had it. On the other hand it could just be the thought of a family outing with friends if they know about H leaving because I now I worry if I know I'm going to see any of H's friends because I wonder if they are laughing at me.
You are doing so amazingly well and I'm sure it is just teething troubles. I too am having a little trouble with confidence. I seem to be causing little arguments all the time like I used to and I really don't want the old me to resurface. My H says he thinks it is because I have no confidence and I think he is right. I just can't seem to accept that he didn't want me and now he does - its like - "why? what changed your mind??" but if I really think I know I changed his mind by changing into the person I was when we met. Trouble is it has all really knocked my confidence and I need a lot of reassurance right now.
This is still a really difficult time and although it is great to have our H's back there are still going to be tough times. Hang on in there you really are doing brilliantly.
Don't worry about the intimacy side of things - it took 3 months from my H moving back into our room to get to ML - it moved far too slowly for me but now I feel it was well worth the wait.
