runner... I don't think staying true to yourself and making changes to improve the relationship are mutually exclusive. You really have to do both things, just as you have to express what it is that you need from your partner while remaining open minded toward giving him ( or her) what he needs. I was interested in your H's communication style because I have found that my own H, who is also a reserved, conflict avoider, had a bit of trouble really acknowledging to me what he wanted and putting it on the table, so to speak. That made it essier for me to remain in my corner with my list of grievances, and not recognize he was in pain too.
