He is leaving to be alone to THINK - now what?

[ourcrisis]

good news!! We had dinner. H told me that he has told her that he is ending the relationship with her because it cannot go on like this. I told him I am glad that he made the decision.
I purposely left it very open because I do not want to impose any condition on him. I had a feeling that he was expecting me to but I tried my best not to. I did say I need him to be honest and open and commit to work on our relationship. Not a very definite answer on that but I think he is willing to.
Now about coming back. Orginally, we both thought it's a good idea for him to come back as soon as possible (for the kids). But I thought about it for one night, I told him I am not ready. He is still "in the process" of ending the relationship with her. Although I do trust him to honor his commitment to me (Oh god, that "trust" word again, don't I ever learn???), I am not ready to still have "three persons" in our relationship when he moves back. I told him I am scared that he will flip flop after he moves back and moves out again. And I also want this NEW relationship to start only when he is caring about me 100%, not still caring about her feelings, which he is still now. I can understand that he needs some time to finish this, though. So I basically said I prefer him not to move back till he at least show some actions about commitment and only when he is willing to spend all his energy on me, and me alone. I did not give him any guidelines, any timelines, or any advice. I don't want to push him to do anything anymore. It is all up to him to deal with it. He said he understand but I think he is worried about what to do since I sense that he wants to move back quickly and with this condition, it is tough to end it quick and move back.
Meanwhile, I am feeling pretty good, cautiously optimistic. I am holding myself back not to be too happy because I am still scared that he won't be able to cut off all contacts with OW. At the same time, I know I can live without him (funny all things broke in this two weeks, computer, toaster, etc. but I dealt with them all). I want him a lot but I do not need him (read that somewhere)
I will post more details as I have more time. Right now I have to fix my main computer so I can get back to my household paperwork. Using my kids' computer is just not the same :-)
I guess I will be moving to piecing soon. Just want to say thank you all for being here for me all these times. Your presence really really helped me through the worst period of my time. Through your advice and support, I have grown and I now value my friendships with other people much better. Thanks.