But your husband ALSO has needs, likely he wants to feel attractive to you, to have your desire(physically) for him.
So you two are stuck, waiting for the other to go first. Things must change for BOTH of you. Your needs are NOT more important then his. So one of you must go first. YOU GO FIRST! Meet his needs FIRST. Meet his needs UNCONTIONALLY, just as you expect him to meet YOURS unconditionally.
Ultimately communicating on what is lacking in the marriage...going first could mean just talking about issues. Unfortunately the talking is the hardest part. Stirring up the waters...
You want her to feel desire for you, right?
How's she going to do that, exactly?
Suppose I told you that I needed you to feel desire for me. How would you go about doing that? You wouldn't even know where to start, right?
I can demand that you feel desire for me till I'm blue in the face, but until I manage to become female, it ain't happening. No matter what I offer to give you, no matter what I offer to do for you, there is no way on God's green Earth that you could possibly "go first" and conjure up a sexual desire for me. I'd have to take the steps of extracting my DNA, duplicating my X chromosome, replacing the Y with the duplicate, growing a cloned body (without the brain), and transplanting my brain into it, before you could even begin to feel desire for me.
Fortunately, her husband is already the correct gender, so his task is a lot easier. But he still has to do some things differently to get her motor running - she can't do it on her own. Now he can ask her to do things in return, or to do certain things first, or at the same time, and she just might do them... but if he insists that she FEEL things before he's gotten started, they're very likely to reach an impasse.
Originally Posted By: cemar2
Once you start assigning CONDITIONS to your desiring him, then he can set conditions on meeting your needs on the list of 4, and you are both stuck again.
Why would that leave them stuck? So what if he sets his own conditions? She can either meet them or not, depending on what they are and how distateful they are compared to the present situation. They can keep setting conditions and negotiating until they're both on the same page, or they can reach an impasse. Only one way to find out...
