Friends, I've been screening all my W's invitations. I don't make an immediate commitment, and tell her I need time to think. This is different for me, in that in the past, I've been the loyal H, who accompanied his W to most events, even if I didn't want to go. I now choose on the basis of how well I think I can maintain a PMA, and if it would have a negative impact on our R.
I've turned her down twice in the past week. I said no to an invitation to attend a dance lesson over the weekend. It was short notice, and I didn't want to miss my yoga class.
I also turned her down for an invitation to her sister's this weekend, for a family dinner. It would be an hour drive in the car to get there. She phrased the invitation as "needing an escort." With that lukewarm of an invitation, I said no.
She keeps making the comment of how she thinks it's important in a R for the couple to have similar temperaments. She used to think that opposites worked well (like us), but now rejects the idea. She makes this comment at least weekly. Her temperament is temperamental, and I'm more moderate.
I need to make a decision soon, regarding whether or not she should accompany me to a neices religious ceremony in Boston, in May. My hunch is that it's not a good idea at this time. I'll try to get her to say no, and have it be her idea. I can't imagine her being invested in being connected with my family at this time. She has maintained a distant R with them over the years, anyway.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
