see, this is why she left, you never do anything right!
take care
ford,
You are 100% spot on there. If she had to call me to remind me she was still there, I think she is pining away.
I guess I should tell you something. My former BIL and I still exchange e-mails. In one of my e-mails, I casually mentioned going to MT and having a nice alcoholic beverage at a restaurant with Ms. MT. The next morning, I had two hang up calls at work. Odd...
Later, he asked me go to the shooting range, I told him I could not because Ms MT would be in town. So, several people know Ms MT will be in town this weekend.
I have a very strong suspicion my e-mails to him are somehow making it back to my exW. That is great! It is exactly the way I expect it to be.
RMG
Last edited by RockyMountainGuy; 04/11/0701:27 PM.
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
Am I mistaken or are you actually reveling in the possibility that your ex could be hurting to find out about this new woman?
Maybe it's just me, but that seems tacky no matter what your history.
AmyC,
I am so glad you are here. I was going to ask you to chime in.
I am sorry you think I would want her to hurt for a moment. I would not want to hurt her anymore for anything. I care very deeply for that woman. That is truly where my heart is.
With that being written, if she has to feel pain in order to realize her feelings for me, that is a good thing. I think she has been numb for far too long. I pray she is finally opening the door to her feelings and to God; without these, she will never get better. I believe God wants to restore her.
I should also mention I have scaled back the dating exclusively with Ms. MT; we are just friends at this point.
RMG
Last edited by RockyMountainGuy; 04/11/0702:33 PM.
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
Am I mistaken or are you actually reveling in the possibility that your ex could be hurting to find out about this new woman?
Maybe it's just me, but that seems tacky no matter what your history.
AmyC,
I am a bit confused about all of this. She said it was over. She said there would NEVER be a chance we could be together in the future. She said she wanted me to date other women. Why would this hurt her?
RMG
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
RMG, because she's possibly seeing that the grass isn't greener and realizing what she's toss away. This is way going dark during separation can be effective. It gives the WAS time to really think and consider what's happening as well as working on their issues.
If we really want to love, we must learn how to forgive. - Mother Theresa
Saying that something won't hurt us - and then have it ACTUALLY HAPPEN and find out we were completely wrong - is EXACTLY what happens.
I told my husband to date. Hell I begged him to date so he'd leave me alone. One weekend some things went down at his parents house involving SD17 who has lived with them since she was 5. He was living with them and unbeknownst to anyone, I was well on my way OUT of MLC. Anyway, he took off by himself for the weekend and the kids and I didn't know it. I was right at the edge of going to him and when that weekend came that I didn't know where he was, my mind went wild. I was hurled out of the tunnel for good that weekend. The thought that did it? That he was with another woman. That I could never go back. I'd lost my chance. When he finally called, I totally unraveled. How I must have sounded crying and trying to get in 2-3 years worth of explaining and apologizing.
My point is you don't know how your dating might affect her. It sounds like you are almost gloating to BIL. And don't try to say you didn't know he might tell her, either. You knew. And you WANTED a reaction. Well, if it was her that hung up on you, it's because she DOES care. But she isn't strong enough to reach out yet.
RMG, you have one foot planted in the world and you're dipping your other foot in the church occasionally. Your choices have been made crystal clear to you through this. Stand or don't. If you are not standing for your marriage anymore, that's certainly your choice and everyone understands but I am left with one question that I want you to really think about and just answer to yourself.
Why have you chosen not to move to Surviving yet?
I think it's because a part of you still wants to stand but you just can't face the lonliness and pain - and the feeling like a fool at times for doing it.
RMG, because she's possibly seeing that the grass isn't greener and realizing what she's toss away. This is way going dark during separation can be effective. It gives the WAS time to really think and consider what's happening as well as working on their issues.
catfan,
I have gone dark for a while. The last two times she was over she attempted to make small talk. I was polite but not talkative.
RMG
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
Saying that something won't hurt us - and then have it ACTUALLY HAPPEN and find out we were completely wrong - is EXACTLY what happens.
I told my husband to date. Hell I begged him to date so he'd leave me alone. One weekend some things went down at his parents house involving SD17 who has lived with them since she was 5. He was living with them and unbeknownst to anyone, I was well on my way OUT of MLC. Anyway, he took off by himself for the weekend and the kids and I didn't know it. I was right at the edge of going to him and when that weekend came that I didn't know where he was, my mind went wild. I was hurled out of the tunnel for good that weekend. The thought that did it? That he was with another woman. That I could never go back. I'd lost my chance. When he finally called, I totally unraveled. How I must have sounded crying and trying to get in 2-3 years worth of explaining and apologizing.
My point is you don't know how your dating might affect her. It sounds like you are almost gloating to BIL. And don't try to say you didn't know he might tell her, either. You knew. And you WANTED a reaction. Well, if it was her that hung up on you, it's because she DOES care. But she isn't strong enough to reach out yet.
RMG, you have one foot planted in the world and you're dipping your other foot in the church occasionally. Your choices have been made crystal clear to you through this. Stand or don't. If you are not standing for your marriage anymore, that's certainly your choice and everyone understands but I am left with one question that I want you to really think about and just answer to yourself.
Why have you chosen not to move to Surviving yet?
I think it's because a part of you still wants to stand but you just can't face the lonliness and pain - and the feeling like a fool at times for doing it.
But that's just my opinion.
AmyC,
I understand what you are writing. She may be coming out of the tunnel.
As for me having one foot in the world and one foot in the church, I do not think that is quite fair. I did my duty when I was her husband; I waited until the end. The divorce was final a month ago; I am now a free man. Honestly, at times, I have felt very tempted by Ms. MT; I have not acted on this for a variety of reasons. I do not feel I am doing anything wrong.
As for pain, I have felt pain beyond words since this all started. I thought watching my father slowly die was the hardest thing I would ever have to endure. This is many times more difficult. I watched the only thing that mattered on this Earth fall apart in a matter of a few days. I was 100% serious when I told her I would quit my job, put the cars in garage and burn everything to the ground including my guitars...and be happy to walk away with her and the clothes on our backs. None of that ever mattered to me... She did not get it...
I have not moved to Surviving yet because most of the people I know are here.
RMG
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
Sorry about the D, but it is amazing how the Lord works.
Glad to read you are doing well. Figure exW has gotten wind of your new lady friend, hence the phone call.
MariS,
It is great to see you again!
Do you think exW is just trying to let me know she is still there or is she coming out of the tunnel in your opinion?
I appreciate your thoughts on the D. I saw the D as something which needed to happen. I did not want it by any means. I knew it had to happen. There had to be a break from the old either way.
It is really interesting how I have changed since this all began. Since late last Summer, even before this began, I was working on improving my walk with God; I have continued on my journey. God has changed my attitude in many areas. I am a much more patient person at work and in my personal life. I have a great appreciation for my boss and my employer. I am not wound up anymore; I can relax and enjoy myself. I now enjoy having a drink or glass of wine while out on a dinner date. I no longer feel I have to be at work at the earliest possible moment to leave as early as possible; when I get there, I get there. Of course, that is within the parameters set by my boss.
I have wanted an SUV for months since exW got hers. So, I traded in my car for an Acura MDX Touring Edition. I love it! Yes, it HAS a sunroof! (That is directly related to an old post...) Yes, if I could go back, I would gladly buy my exW's SUV with whatever she wanted..... including the sunroof.....
RMG
Last edited by RockyMountainGuy; 04/12/0702:45 AM.
"The bad things in life open your eyes to the good things you weren't paying attention to before." from "Good Will Hunting"
If she had to call me to remind me she was still there, I think she is pining away.
She said it was over. She said there would NEVER be a chance we could be together in the future. She said she wanted me to date other women. Why would this hurt her?
