I can't stand anymore

[HalfMissing]

I know I will make everyone yell at me but I can't do this. I know that I only stood a very short time but I am not cut out for this.

I want to start by telling everyone that I did indeed love my H deeply and will always love him. We did have a marriage that was good for many years. I will always remember this marriage as one that was good and produced many beautiful memories and my two beautiful children. This last year was gradually getting worse and I do believe my H is having a MLC.

One of the problems is that I have developed very deep feelings for another person. I have been a friend and co-worker to this man for 16 years and I admit I started to develop feelings for him 3 years ago when we worked together closely. I purposely distanced myself from him and got transferred to another project so I wouldn't be tempted. His wife died 8 years ago and he has been a wonderful father to his sons. When I mentioned my situation to him (the news is flying around work), he was very sympathetic to me since he knew what it was like to lose a spouse and have to be a single parent.

We have had many conversations and we are so compatible and want the same things in life. Today, he admitted his feelings to me and talked about wanting a deeper relationship with me and the possibility of getting married in the future some day. He said he can't take the risk of getting his heart broken and wants to just be friends until I have time to decide what I want to do. This man is so good and would be a great father to my children. I feel like I was spiraling in depression and he came and pulled me out of it.

I know you all have faith that your H's will come home someday but I don't feel that way. I am a pessimist and not religious, and can't live hoping one day to the next for a slim possibility of some kind or relationship with H in the future. I know I am infatuated with my friend but I felt that way about him years before my H dropped the bomb. I did not go out to meet him and our feelings did not develop just because of my marriage problems.

I feel bad that I can't stand for the sake of my children. I am not going to rush into anything but I can't let this chance slip away. In all these years, I have never met another man who I felt compatible with as I always have with this man.

OK, you can all yell at me now.