Absolutely communicating with him and observing him to find out what his REAL needs are is very important. His true needs, the ones that aren't being met...may be obvious and he may state them straight out to you (i.e. I want to ML more often, meaning perhaps he's someone who nees physical touch as a need.) OR his needs may not be so obvious. By observing my husband I found he really needs validation from me when he vents about a bad day....or "Atta Boys" that I think he did something really well.
I've found when we speak the other person's love language(s) they begin to speak ours (at least some) in return as well. It's a place to start, a place to begin to grow some intimacy.
Has anyone recommended the book "The Five Love Languages" to you yet? If not, check it out...it's a quick read and pretty enlightening. Might give you a place to begin looking at what needs (besides sex...and including it) are going unmet for your H and help build some intimacy.
There's also a quiz for each of you. If you think he'd take it great, let him...take yours too. Our MC also gave us copies of the quiz for our spouse and had us take them and see if we were anywhere close in what WE thought their love languages were. My H and I were actually pretty close, but it was informative because it also gave us a place to start a discussion on WHY they were needs for us....and what each of us would perceive as the other filling that need (specifically).
Once you identify his needs...then you can attempt to fill them.
