I agree that you did the right thing also. In my situation it was the OWH that confirmed my suspicians of the the affair. He hired a PI because he is seeking custody of S8. He even offered to let me see the video of my H sneaking to her house. I told him no, that it would be too hard. The OWH would call me everytime my H would sneak to her house. This would be late at night sometimes even after I had fallen asleep. All this would do is upset me and prevent me from falling asleep the rest of the night. I got where I would turn the ringer off of my phone. I knew it was going on and we wouldn't be able to change it. During this time my H was on the fence. I would tell the OWH that my H was still coming around. A lot of time he knew this because they were checking out my house at times also! The PI told OWH that my H was just leading me on so that I wouldn't take him to the cleaners. I would rather believe that he is mixed up and doesn't know what he wants. I recommended DB and DR to the OWH as well. He said he ordered it last time I talked to him. Our lives certainly turn into soap operas, don't they?!!!
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
The big difference between what we are dealing with and a soap opera is a soap opera only run for 1 hr a day and they do not run on the weekends.
Question for everyone out there. Would there be any negative repercussions if I took my girls on a vacation without informing my W? I have been thinking that it would be great to get away for a week or two with them. If my W needs time to think I think this would also provide it.
Damn OMW... I was doing good yesterday and now I cannot get the thought of my W running around on me out of my head.
I see taking your girls on vacation w/o wife's knowledge as trying to get even. I'm not sure it's a wise decision. She could turn around and try to do the same thing to you. I think it would be best to inform her. I do understand that they are children, but you do not want to get in a power struggle with her. I think you could approach it as you said, it's a way for you to get away and time for her to have time to herself. I know that we all have been hurt so bad, but if we want to stand for our marriages, we can't burn our bridges.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
EMT, You are doing great, just try to avoid all R talk with your W and focus on YOU! I have found this to be my key to having a PMA. Even when my W brings up related subjects (like how some of our friends "just don't understand how it is"!?), I just validate what she says and move on. Try it, you'll like it!
SD
Me 41 W 41 Kids: S9 S7 Married 16 years Bomb dropped 2/2/07 Still living together! current thread
Well today is a new day and there is not much to report on. My W works tonight, yipee. There should not be any drama today...but the last time I said that there was...we will see. I am not expecting much tonight but to have a good time with my 2DD.
Last night after work I meet my W, 2DD, and MIL for dinner. It was pleasant I guess, there is still no interaction with me from my W. I then went to church for our midweek service. The message was on Romans 12:17-21.
12:17 Do not repay anyone evil for evil; consider what is good before all people. 12:18 If possible, so far as it depends on you, live peaceably with all people. 12:19 Do not avenge yourselves, dear friends, but give place to God’s wrath, for it is written, “Vengeance is mine, I will repay,” says the Lord. 12:20 Rather, if your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink; for in doing this you will be heaping burning coals on his head. 12:21 Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.
It was a good message and probably well timed for where I am currently at emotionally/spritually. I cannot let my W's evil/sin turn me into an evil person trying to take my own revenge. I guess according to this verse I need to love her and kill her with kindness.
All right I know that I keep saying that the drama is going to end, well it doesn't.
I just recieved an email from my W in which she claims to have made a decision and that she is going to pursue a full-time position at her hospital. She had always wanted to be a stay at home mom and work part time. Now it looks like that was a lie all along...... I really want to go to her work and get her fired. WTF..... Not only is she bringing all this tension into our house she is now taking herself away from our kids more often.
I have to admit my W has noticed me detaching and LRT. But it does not seem to be working. I really am debating doing everything that I'm being told not to do.
Psalm 37:7-8 37:7 Wait patiently for the Lord! Wait confidently for him! Do not fret over the apparent success of a sinner, a man who carries out wicked schemes! 37:8 Do not be angry and frustrated! Do not fret! That only leads to trouble!
It seems to get way worse before it gets better... Hang in there... It wasn't a lie that she wanted to be a stay at home mom. Did she try it and not like it? Remember, she is being motivated by craziness right now!!
My wife has always kept her career aspirations open. But she always choose to work part time, which meant two four hour shifts every two weeks. She always stated how happy she was that she got this outlet and that she was relieved that she did not have to work. She did mention the other day that she was thinking about this, but did not say a lot about it - this was a surprise to me. I actually just called her and left a message for her saying congrats and to call me back.
You have got to slow down - you are not going to see changes overnight!!! My motto is BABY STEPS!!!
We need to take each positive as they come! This is the hardest part of DBing - patience patience patience!!! Even when my H decided he wanted to work on us - I still had to be patient!!!
DBing isn't just a temporary change to get them back - it should be a new way of living to help get on track and keep us on track!!
Me41 H44 * M16 yrs * D13 S10 8/06 H wants a D * 1/07 OW Truth 2/07 Searated * 7/07 H moved home First Thread Surviving Separation Now Piecing
