Liss, stop making me laugh out loud here by myself...
When I was at the CPA's office and they were going on, all I could think about was "EWWWWWWWWWW, boys have cooties. I wants no parts of them. I am shell shocked and battle worn." LOL
By the way, I pay the counselor so I am not so sure that her opinion matters... LOL ... All I could think about when she was talking was, " EWWWWWWWWWWWW boys have cooties." LOL.
I wonder if I will ever, ever feel the "regular" or normal again.
Of course you will feel normal again. Once this is behind you in whatever way it goes.....the sadness lessens. They get their kicks in making us feel like [censored]. The more we listen to them the more we tend to THINK that we are worthless, unattractive, nobody wants us....yada yada yada. But thats how they feel deep inside.
Everytime Rich comes around.....he mentions how nice I look. Even tho he's with Fabihola.....oneday he had me stand up and turn around to get the full look.....retards.
A....you are gorgeous! Focus on you.....once you find yourself again, you'll blossom like new spring flowers! Personally....I think 3 to 5 years is a bitttttttt long. Do we get to take in consideration of the years that have already gone by?
A.....my thoughts are with you today....you are a strong woman. Never forget that and DO NOT let him tell you otherwise! Or the WASSABUSTA bus is rollin his way.
Let us know how it goes.
Jeanette
Change the Policy. Allow PM's Free all of us.
Also some new and improved emoticons would be nice!
First of all, I want to say thanks for all of the support and advice from the people here. It has truly gotten me through this time and I suspect that there will be more needed. I have had many revelations the past few weeks. I will elaborate on this more at a later date but for now… a recap of yesterday. I slept like a baby the night before by the way.
It was POURING yesterday, my cute jeans were soaked but still cute. I sat outside the courtroom for several hours before being adjourned for lunch. I did not see H in the waiting area but I thought I heard his cough. Anyway, turns out it was not. He never showed. I went into the court room, the judge was annoyed that he did not show. He asked me how much H made and how much I needed for expenses until our next court date. I told him and he sent me home! I could not believe it. H is ordered to pay until he shows and everything can be sorted out!
So, I leave feeling okay… like an 800 pound gorilla had been lifted off of my chest at least temporarily and guess who I run into downstairs…. Yup, Mr. Man himself. It was like a deer in headlights, four and a half hours later. Silly me I say,”Oh, we can go up now.” He tells me that he was not here to go to court, just to find out if the case had been postponed and walked away.
I was floored. I was shocked. I was angry. I was hurt. These emotions ran through me all at once but then, then …
It was crystal clear to me what I need to do.
This is not about me at all.
It is what it is and there is absolutely NOTHING that I can do to change him.
I can continue to change me though and that ladies and gents is what I plan to do.
Life is ever changing and I am ever hopeful.
My shackles fell off right at that moment.
I will have moments when I am paralyzed but the Good Lord will get me through as he has done already.
I thank all of you for your care and concern but some trains really do wreck. I realized how far my h has gone this weekend. I don’t want to play this game anymore. I have detached although I cannot fully detach because we have kids. I only contact when it is about the kids, I do admit that I am not a perfect DBer so I have slipped sometime. But, I am never disrespectful to my husband. Despite what I see from him, despite his myspace that says that he is single, despite him calling me names, despite his hanging up, despite the crazy looks, despite not showing to court, despite-despite-despite.
But now, it is time for the jig to be up. I am a person and I have feelings just like he does. I am surprised but not so much so that it has come to this. I am saddened, deeply saddened for my children. The rejection hurts, the humiliation of him talking to me so harshly this weekend because his EA/PA was sitting next to him in her car is more than enough. I went no contact, I went dark, I did all wrong in the beginning I begged, cried, threw myself on the floor, and allowed him to get strong when we could have gotten strong together. He does not see himself as a part of me anymore and that is okay. I cannot be a part of him like this and that is okay too.
Checkmate. I used to think that I would ache and hurt for him for forever. Not so sure about that any more. This is his emotional rollercoaster ride. I forgot to take my dramamine so i am getting off.
I am feeling a bit worn. Tired of all of this really. I need a quicker picker upper. My anniversary is exactly 6 months from today. Don't know why this has been sticking in my head so much I normally don't give it any thought but somehow this morning, I woke up with it...
Got an email from Papi Chulo yesterday, no greeting, no closing, just cold harsh words on a computer screen. Wanting to negotiate a cs agreement. What is one to do? Will consult with an attorney. Just thought that it was interesting. Help. I am tired of this.
