Your needs are NOT more important then hers. So one of you must go first. YOU GO FIRST! Meet her needs FIRST. Meet her needs UNCONTIONALLY, just as you expect her to meet YOURS unconditionally.
CeMar, you just doled out this advice to someone....now take it and apply it to yourself as well (I changed the gender to apply to you). If this advice is good enough for you to give to someone else, it should be good enough for you to take and apply in your own situation as well....shouldn't it? Now, lets see you argue against your own advice.
But your husband ALSO has needs, likely he wants to feel attractive to you, to have your desire(physically) for him.
So you two are stuck, waiting for the other to go first. Things must change for BOTH of you. Your needs are NOT more important then his. So one of you must go first. YOU GO FIRST! Meet his needs FIRST. Meet his needs UNCONTIONALLY, just as you expect him to meet YOURS unconditionally.
You want her to feel desire for you, right?
How's she going to do that, exactly?
Suppose I told you that I needed you to feel desire for me. How would you go about doing that? You wouldn't even know where to start, right?
I can demand that you feel desire for me till I'm blue in the face, but until I manage to become female, it ain't happening. No matter what I offer to give you, no matter what I offer to do for you, there is no way on God's green Earth that you could possibly "go first" and conjure up a sexual desire for me. I'd have to take the steps of extracting my DNA, duplicating my X chromosome, replacing the Y with the duplicate, growing a cloned body (without the brain), and transplanting my brain into it, before you could even begin to feel desire for me.
Fortunately, her husband is already the correct gender, so his task is a lot easier. But he still has to do some things differently to get her motor running - she can't do it on her own. Now he can ask her to do things in return, or to do certain things first, or at the same time, and she just might do them... but if he insists that she FEEL things before he's gotten started, they're very likely to reach an impasse.
Originally Posted By: cemar2
Once you start assigning CONDITIONS to your desiring him, then he can set conditions on meeting your needs on the list of 4, and you are both stuck again.
Why would that leave them stuck? So what if he sets his own conditions? She can either meet them or not, depending on what they are and how distateful they are compared to the present situation. They can keep setting conditions and negotiating until they're both on the same page, or they can reach an impasse. Only one way to find out...
Last edited by Crazy Eddie; 04/11/0705:16 PM.
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
CeMar, Oh come on! That is absolutely not the intent of my response to you and you know it...but you sure will go out of your way so that YOU DON'T HAVE TO DO ANYTHING TO ADDRESS YOUR PROBLEMS IN YOUR MARRIAGE won't you? Would you just put your big boy pants on and quit playing the martyr already!
You seriously won't even take the advice that you give to someone else...and apply it to your own situation?! Why is it good enough for you to dish out to someone else...but not good enough for you to take?
This has NOTHING to do with the man going first either...this has to do with the person who sees the situation as a problem...and that is YOU.
I find it humorous that not only do you brush off the advice others here give you, but you are brushing your own advice off as well.
Ok, we have had plenty of advice given to the HD men on here on what THEY need to do. That does NOT apply to this thread. This is a LD women that wants to fix her marriage. So what advice do you give HER on changing herself (just like you give the guys).
It's just part of that sparkling "what's not to love?" personality of mine LOL.