Have just found out about your forum while reading The Sex Starved Marriage. Our situation:
My W and I are both 39, have been married 13 years, have 3 kids(9,6,5). Ours has not been the perfect marriage. After kids, my W was the LD spouse. I did just what the book says I would have --got angry, built up walls, and turned off the marriage. If we had sex over the past 2 years, it was always end off the night, exhausted, in the dark, and "get it over". I started having ED and PE. Of course, I never satisfied my wife. I ended up with Depression--started Zoloft 3 months ago andfeel better and want to fix my marriage.
My wife weighed 125lbs when we married, up to 170 after 1st child,then >200(on 5"2" frame) after subsequent kids. Last year she entered a "Biggest Loser" type contestat the local Gym. She has been working out with 24 yo Male personal trainer now for 13 months. She is down to 145 lbs. She has gotten happy--what led to me perking up. However she now is in MLC mode--says she has feelings for the trainer, considers it an EA, and thinks she could have sexual relationship with him. She now says she thinks about sex/wants it every day. She won't kiss me(have to beg for a distant hug), so the sexual energy isn't being spent on me.
I'm told ILYBNILWY. Right now she says she wants to stay for the children, but doesn't want to quit seeing/working out with trainer. She wants to lose last 15-20lbs, then get tummy tuck and breast lift.
I feel terribly hurt. Iam trying harder than I have in 5+ yrs. Taken over most of housework/child care. (She says if she leaves, it is w/o kids.) I am trying to do all the little things I didn't before, but now am in trouble for trying to do too much.
Does anyone have advice besides marital counselor? (topic broached but she has no desire to see)
