He said he's seeing someone new

[Ophelia]

Aaannnnd here we go with a super long post (again).....

Easter was hard. I'd usually spend at least a couple of days over Easter with H's family. This year I spent every moment from Good Friday til Monday trying not to wonder if this year SHE was at that family gathering in my place. Just thinking about it would get my blood boiling.

On Sunday night I injured one of my fingers when I accidentally whacked it on a doorframe. Hurt like a bitch! My first thought was that it was probably gonna swell up, so I'd better get an icepack on it and get my rings off.....yep, it was my ring finger. So I took off my wedding and engagement rings and they're now on my right hand instead, because I can't not wear them. My finger is still pretty bruised, but doesn't really hurt at all, and my knuckle is still a bit swollen. I tried to put my wedding band back on the finger today, but it still won't fit over my knuckle, and it damn near made me cry because I want my rings back where they belong! It was just a crappy end to a crappy weekend where I'd been feeling crappy about H and our sitch.

I actually sent him an email yesterday. The new season of the show "The Amazing Race" is about to start here, but I hadn't seen any ads for it on TV so I just wanted to make sure he knew it was gonna be on because it's a show we both love. It's the "All Stars" season with a couple of teams from previous seasons who we both really loved, so I figured he wouldn't wanna miss it. I also said that I hoped he had a good Easter. He replied, said how awesome it was about "The Amazing Race" so he'd have to make sure he didn't miss it, and he said he'd pass the info on to one of our other friends who loves the show as well. He said he had a good Easter and he hoped I did too. I don't think I'll be entirely honest in my reply, if I send one at all.

Rent sounds awfully expensive there - I hope employers pay accordingly!

Well the thing is is that home loan interest rates keep going up on a regular basis, (pretty much every other month there's a news story about them going up, again). So people who own rental properties have to pay more on their loans, so in turn, the rents go up. Also, because the interest rates keep going up, it means less people can afford to buy a home, so there are more people renting, which means it's a more competitive market, which drives the rents up. Everyone is screwed and going broke, basically. My rent will be going up by $55 per week once I sign the new lease.....the lease which will only have my name on it....not H's. I know it's only a piece of paper, but I'm really dreading having to sign it because of what it represents.

My husband has been having an affair for 6 months and living with OW for 3. He acts like it's nothing serious, but doesn't want to work on our marriage but doesn't want to let me go. He thinks that he took things too far to turn back.

I'm pretty sure my H feels the same way. Just too much damage done now, so there's no going back. Maybe that was even part of his motivation for the A, (perhaps even subconsciously), because that would then make things really cut and dried because he'd just gone too far so didn't have to torture himself over the "should I go back or shouldn't I?" question anymore because it wasn't even an option.

I was wanting to get a little input from you two about how you are deciding what to do since you don't have kids to worry about. I feel like I am young enough to start over and have a good life, but I also still love my H even after all of this. We are seriously discussing getting a divorce at this point, so things are looking pretty bleak for me.

We are young enough to start over, but that doesn't mean I necessarily want to "move on". Call me old fashioned, but I grew up believing that once I got married that was gonna be it for me. That was the only guy I was ever gonna be with for the rest of my life. My grandad lived with us when I was growing up. I think I may have mentioned him before in this thread. He lived for a considerable while longer than my grandma did, but he never "moved on" with anyone new. That's what I grew up believing marriage vows were....they were for life. H on the other hand...well if both of his parents hadn't have divorced their first spouses then he wouldn't even exist, so I guess you could say we were brought up viewing marriage in two totally different ways, which obviously isn't helping matters now.

Yeah, I'm lonely as all hell every night when I go to bed, but I'm not gonna go looking for someone else just for the sake of not being alone anymore. I'm preparing myself for the prospect of never being with anyone else ever again. Never having kids. I know it sounds all tragic and dramatic and junk, but it's my reality. I think that even if we do get divorced, that won't change my feelings about being committed to those vows I made before God and my family, so at this point in time, I just don't see myself being with anyone else in the future. Maybe my mind will change one day, but if it does, I don't think it'll be any day soon.

Also, Ophelia I think you mentioned something about your husband being taken over by aliens and being so cold to you. I know exactly how you feel. I have been with my H for 11 years and I also wonder how he can treat me the way that he has for the last 6 months.

Yep, I actually told him once that it was like he was possessed or something because he was acting so unlike himself. Then I came here and started reading about people with MLC partners referring to them as having been abducted by aliens and I was like, "JACKPOT!"

Ophelia I am struggling with my in-law relationships also. I am very close with ils also. My ils all know about the ow and think that it is absolutely horrible about how he is going about everything. They blame all are problems on the infertility stuff.

I wish I knew how my ILs felt about OW. Not sure how you bring that up though. "So, MIL, have you met OW yet, and if so please tell me she's a raving bitch and you hate her and all she stands for." Might not go down so well.

I really miss my ILs. Used to see them once a week and now I hardly ever see either of them. I'm seriously thinking of writing a letter to MIL, not even talking about H so much, rather talking about how much I miss them. How I miss her homemade pizzas, and FIL's roast dinners and scrummy desserts, (we'd have dinner at their place once a week, and FIL would always make something yummy for dessert, and H and I would always serve it together...I had the role of official slicer of pies and H took care of the scoop of icecream on top). How I miss sharing a bottle of wine with her, both of us drinking from our fave purple wine glasses which always sat on the dining room table, waiting for their weekly outing. How I miss FIL's (really) bad jokes. How I miss working in her garden. How I miss the rest of the family, and hope they won't forget to try and include me in things in the future. The list goes on, and I feel like I need to let MIL know, because I feel that by saying nothing I'm just letting H trample all over the R I have with them, and I really want to stand up for myself, but at the same time I don't want to put her on the spot, which is why I'm thinking if I do say something, I'll say it in a letter instead.

I am leaning on my ils more than my parents because I am still protecting H from my parents.

My parents have had no contact with H since before this went down. I suspect my dad may want to rip H's head off though, which is perfectly understandable, but I hate that it's deteriorated to that point. My sister's boyfriend didn't exactly win any fans within the family the first time they dated, and now that they're back together, she's said that she realises how awkward it'll be if they end up married, seeing as how our parents in particular won't be all warm and fuzzy about it. So that's two daughters they've got with partners they're not huge fans of. Thank God my little brother seems to be on a winner with his girlfriend who is all kinds of awesome so everyone loves her. One outta three ain't bad.