Looking Up

[Heywyre]

This is not something I usually do, but this isn't for me. It's for my H

His only sibling (sister) has just been admitted to hospital and will be undergoing surgery tomorrow for 3 aneurysms. He was just talking to her yesterday and everything was fine. She collapsed this morning. The worse part is he is dreading having to go to visit her. Now I know that sounds terrible but it is back to the city where OW lives (where we used to live 8 months ago) and he hates the place and really causes him stress and depression just thinking about it

So, please, can I ask you to pray for not only his sister, but also to give him strength to get through this

Thank you all - you are my life line right now and I have to be strong for him (the doc said they could lose her on the operating table)

[COG]

Heywyre,

I'll pray for your H and SIL, AND I'm mostly praying for YOU. I pray the Lord grant you the strength and courage you need to accept your H as he is, to set aside you fear and trust, and to let go and not try to save or control him. His struggle has a purpose, and it is HIS struggle. You and I are called to support, love, and defend, but not to save them or control them.

God bless you Heywyre.

Love,

COG

[Heywyre]

Thank you COG for your concern and prayers

I am hoping everything works out well, we will be praying all day for sure

[Heywyre]

The last couple of days have been exhausting to say the least

SIL, at least, is doing better. They air ambulanced her to Vancouver so at least my H didn't have to go to the city where OW lives. He was VERY pleased about that

SIL only had two aneurisms operated on, they thought that was enough for the time being. She's a pretty frail person at the best of times. She is still in ICU and will be there for at least another week then they will decide whether to operate on the other side of her head. So we spent most of our weekend going back and forth into town (over an hour each way) to see her but what choice did we have really

On another note, we went to the C on friday and had a big blowout when we left there. H said C and I were "ganging up" on him - hmmm doesn't like the truth huh. So needless to say, that night was shot

The next day we went to see SIL but later that evening H wanted to "talk" and we aired quite a bit. We went over a lot of things - i.e. trusting, fear, snooping, the OW. I told him a lot of things it was suggested I didn't (i.e. the website with the OW on it, the fact I was still checking up on him etc) but, truthfully .... I'm glad I did. He had to know the reality and all the lies she told him and I didn't feel good about what I was doing either. He has distanced himself from her enough now, plus with the help of AD, to know that what he did was wrong, and he has sacrificed a LOT. He said that he has no desire to contact her and rarely thinks about her. He tells me when he does think about her, which is decent of him, but says the emotion of it is not like it was by a longshot. He says its becoming more of a distant memory everyday. He says he thinks about her and sometimes feels bad, especially for her kids. He doesn't feel bad about the money he gave her because he knows most went to the kids (and personally, I would never begrudge them that either). But after I told him about her webpage and what she advertised, he said it disgusted him and IF he had any desire to see or contact her before, that in itself would discourage him from doing it. He said that world sickens him now and he can't believe how he got sucked into that vortex. I know he is not just saying those things. He really thought he was helping her and the kids and she used him, like all the others (surprise, surprise). No one likes to be played the fool

He also went to the C today and they talked about sex (or lack thereof). I was surprised H even told me that. He said the C said he could see H getting back to "normal" and that they could cut back their one-on-one sessions (good because I think I need them now)

He also told my H that I was (get this) an "incredibly intelligent and logical woman" and that it wasn't very often he ran into women like me, especially as clients. H agreed and said it was one of the reasons he was attracted to me

He also asked my H if he felt it hard to have a satisfying sexual R with an intelligent/logical woman and H said "yes" but that he knew it was important if our R was to last. He also said that he felt our R was going to get stronger because of this

That was very encouraging to me and tonight, before he went to bed, he said that no matter where he is I am always on his mind and close to his heart. I think we have a good chance of getting through this finally

[RedHeadWife]

Hey -- sounds like things are going really well. I'm glad you guys are going to C and that you can also talk about the R.

[Heywyre]

Yes, it is

As much as there are some things I don't particularly want to know, sometimes when I find out it makes me feel better.

My H and I have always had a really good friendship, more than anything, so I am convinced that is the main thing that is pulling us through this whole mess. He said the sex with OW was more of a "release" than anything and he could never see himself spending any length of time with her because she didn't have the depth that I do, nor the maturity to understand life. That in itself made me feel better about myself

Then of course, I am at a vulnerable point, and I know I said something that I shouldn't have, but it just came out. I said "how can I compete with her, she has this perfect body and I'm fat". H put his arms around me and said "there is no competition, I'm here with you and you aren't fat, maybe you could lose a few pounds, but so could I. There's just more of you to cuddle so don't think of yourself like that". Instant ego boost - I sure do love that man, regardless of what he has put me through and I know we are going to get through this and come out on the other side even stronger than we were before

[RedHeadWife]

I think that's what makes "us" on this forum different -- we truly do love our H's (or W's) and, for me anyway, it just deepened and grew stronger once it was reality that I could lose him. That is enough to fight tooth & nail for!!

[RGM]

Heywyre,
I know your SIL is in tough shape right now. My prayers are w/ her. I hope everything works out for the best for her. I know it is a very trying time right now.

I haven't really gone back and read much of your history. I don't think I could spend that much time away from being focused on work. I have read some of the more recent post though. I'm happy for you. It sounds very encouraging. It also sounds like you are definitely deserving of the progress. I hope things continue on the up swing from now on out. I know that is not necessarily realistic, but at least many many more good days than bad. I wish my W were as devoted as you.

JOOC, you've posted your husband was going through depression for quit a while and he's now on AD. You've also said was LSD to begin w/. Has your GP looked at any of the AD that have the lesser effect on SD? Some AD only exaggerate the problem. I have a feeling it's something that's already been considered and talked about many times. Just thought I'd throw it out.

BTW, thank you very much for stopping by when you have.

[Heywyre]

Thanks RGM for all your encouraging words. Sometimes I don't feel all that great but I know I have to concentrate on the good times and not allow the bad ones to overshadow them

As for the AD, some cause sexual problems more than others. My H is on them and has been for some time. He was always the LD partner though so I don't imagine that makes much of a difference. More than anything is the sex organ between the ears.

I also had a friend that was on the same AD as what my H is on now and he said it actually made him more sexual because he felt better. I am starting to notice that in my own H, he is starting to get aroused more than he used to. We haven't ML yet and its seems like forever (since October 2005 - and no, I didn't get the date wrong) but I am confident it will happen again one day

[RGM]

I hope things continue purking up . OC, if it doesn't maybe you should take a shopping trip to the big girls toy store