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One last thing I should mention. When talking to my W yesterday night I told her what she was doing was not fair to me. She asked me what was she doing??? So I told her that she is a WAW. Which she knows what that means. There is a Christain book called Walk out Woman that I bought over a month ago, both of us have read it. She knew what I meant when I told her she was a WAW. That was probably a major backslide for me and then I followed that up with I don't care how you feel "ILU".

She sees her C today so hopefully they will agree to let me start coming along. I'm am just worried they are going to push it out a couple of weeks and then I will be traveling again for work and a month goes by without any progress.

God Bless,
-EmtnRllrCstr


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They always try to act like they aren't doing anything wrong. Mine is the same way. I wish could help you. I do the same kind of backslidiing, but then I stop myself when i recognize it and pull myself together and go back to trying to not accuse or try to make them feel guilty because this will chase them away.

Hang in there,
Cissy

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Not much to update everyone on. Yesterday I went the whole day without hearing from my W or my kids. When I got home last night the house was empty which got me worried since I had no clue as to where my girls were at. When My W finally came home she was distance but pleasant with me. She did intiate small talk, but that is all it was.

I did call and leave a message on my W cell phone. I might have mentioned this in an earlier post, but my W told me on Sunday that she forgave me for not loving her the way she needs to be loved all these years. At the time I did not say a thing, so I felt that I needed to acknowledge what she had said and just said thankyou.

I have a feeling my sitch is not going to change for a while and there probably won't be a whole lot of fireworks to report on. My D5 has t-ball practice tonight and my W is working tonight. Today most likely will be a repeat of yesterday.

I am tired....but when I try to go to sleep I cannot fall asleep. Sorry for complaining.

God Bless,
-EmtnRllrCstr


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I forgot to mention for the last week or so before my D5 goes to bed I have been teaching her to read one of her pre-school books. Well last night was the first night that she made it through the book without any real help from Dad. It was awesome! She went from complete frustration a week ago to total confindence in herself last night.

God Bless,
-EmtnRllrCstr


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Like I stated on my post earlier today...there is not much to report on today in regards to my sitch. So I figure I would journal a little.

My W called me and emailed me today, both her VM and email were short and pointed no hello, no have a good day, no the girls miss you...nothing. Oh well....

I got home from work today and basically had to turn around and leave for D5 t-ball practice. I and D2 froze for the hour that we had to be outside waiting on for practice to end. It is still fun watching her play, though her attention is easily drawn away from what she is supposed to be doing.

My W actually made dinner for us. Once home I only had to re-heat it - this made life easier. A home cooked meal is so much better than going out every night. I am tired of restraunts.

I was actually in a good mood today when I walked in the door, so hopefully this made a decent impression on my W before she took off for work.

I just started reading a book called Waking the Dead. I'm only 45 pages into it, so no recommendation at this time. One of the points this book is making or atleast one of the chapters is to start seeing with your heart. Here are some excerpts from the book and how they apply to me.

"You are never a great man when you have more mind than Heart" - Beauchene

......That is why those who live from their minds are detached from life. Things don't seem to touch them very much; they puzzle at the way others are so affected by life, and they conclude others are emotional and unstable. Meanwhile, those who live from the heart find those who live in the mind... unavailable.

I think until this sitch occured this pretty much described my W and I. I always tried to rationalize and fix everything. While she was more in touch with her emotions, I just thought she was overly emotional. I have a feeling this is somewhat normal for most couples but maybe not.

This sitch has put me through hell and I have felt emotions that have been foreign to me until now. I used to purposely avoid the Psalms because I could not relate, now I read about the agony and emotional pain and know exactly what is being described.

Being able to relate with my W on this emotional level is what she has been looking for, I think. I'm told that I did everything else but connect with her emotionally. To be honest until now I have never experianced this depth to my emotions. I just could not give her this without being fake. Now that I have experianced this and would love to share to her about it, she wants nothing to do with me. Hopefully patiences will payoff and she will give me that chance.

I do love my W and would love to re-build our M into something bettter. But I know that I cannot at this point change her or influence her, it has to come from within herself. I have to keep DB, GAL and doing as many 180's as possible.

God Bless,
-EmtnRllrCstr

Psalm 37:7-8
37:7 Wait patiently for the Lord!
Wait confidently for him!
Do not fret over the apparent success of a sinner,
a man who carries out wicked schemes!
37:8 Do not be angry and frustrated!
Do not fret! That only leads to trouble!


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ERC,

That's it bro. Live from the heart. From your gut.

--Theoden




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Ok I have more to report..... I know something has got to give


Last night I was sound a sleep, both girls tucked away in their beds and the W is at work. The phone rings and abruptly awakens me from my sleep. I look up and notice it is 1:15 AM, I grab the phone and do not recognize the number. When I answered the person hangs up. I start to awake, shake the fog from my mind and realize who that number belonged to. Well the phone rings again and this time they do not hang up. The OMW called me last night to let me know that her H and my W were together. I told her that I did not want to know and besides what can I do about it. You can tell she was desperate and was looking for an end to this maddness. I can relate, but I know that I cannot stop the A - it needs to end on its own. I tried to encourage her to stop snooping, because it doesn't help anybody and told her that it was killing her emotionally. As much as we want it to be over with it needs to end on its own. I encouraged her to read the book of Proverbs and pointed out that my W is the seductress woman and her H is the wicked man described in this book. I also told her to buy DR and read it twice before she reacted to anything again. I also told her about this site. So the OM W might start DB'ing. Was this a big no no? I want to help her and pray that her M can be healed, so I felt that was the least I could do. We will see if she takes my advice or not.

Once my W got home I did tell her about the phone call and asked about the accusations that the OMW was making. We then talked for a good 30 minutes were she again told me that God is telling her that her job, our marraige, is done. This is one of the most hurtfull things my W has said to me and as you know she recently has said a lot. How demeaning is that to our M, our R, that it can be disposed of so easily. What a slap in the face to God that she is using him to justify this sin. Oh well... I cannot change her feelings.

Today is my D5 B-day. Happy Birthday!!! I was journaling this morning on the train thinking back when we had her. The emotions that I felt that day were just as deep and powerful as what I feel now, but, they were of complete joy and being in awe the miracle that I just witnessed. It is a memory and feeling that I will never forget and will always hold near and dear to my heart.

God Bless,
-EmtnRllrCstr


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Wow. What a selfless, composed thing you did to point that man's wife in all the right directions. You did her a favor. Engaging her in more desperate, emotional conversation would have been heartbreaking for both of you. I applaud you.

I can't imagine how hard this must be for you. My H's OW was not local. I awoke (or was already awake) every night during his A in those familiar wee hours to have him downstairs, on email or the phone, with her. Some nights coming to bed after 5am. I remember those things well, and how painful and difficult it was. How I prayed for strength, and He held my arms up during the battle.

All of that to say, I am humbled by those of you with S's whose A's are local and ongoing. I know God will hold your arms up.


Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past.
See, I am doing a new thing! Is 43:18-19

If it seems slow in coming, wait.
It's on its way. It will come right on time. Hab 2:3

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You did the right thing w/OMW (I have learned so many new acronyms since coming to this group!!!).

About your W - she is going to say anything right now - she is at the 1st love stage. My H tried his hardest to convince me we were done for over 7 mos he tried. I just would not give in and/or give up.

Hang in there you are doing great!!


Me41 H44 * M16 yrs * D13 S10
8/06 H wants a D * 1/07 OW Truth
2/07 Searated * 7/07 H moved home
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ERC,

Good to help OMW with DB.

I appreciate your honesty.

The affair will only end on it's own.

Don't listen to what she says: God told her to have an affair? Hmmmmmm.

At this stage, you can't argue, reason or maneuver you wife into doing anything.

You can, however, choose to live from your gut, and become a warrior, a joyful, wonderful person.

This joyful person can choose to:

1. Stand for the marriage. You may get her back. You may not.

2. End the marriage.

You hold all the cards. She's played hers. What can you fear? She's already done the worst she can do.

--Theoden




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