Mom I find it best if I ignore situations like this and act as if nothing has happened. Most of the time he is overir or forgotten it by the next day and it never gets mentioned again. I know you want to try to fix this, don't. You won't be able to. Anything you say to bring it up will only make it worse. This is a lesson I have learned to hard way. If he brings it up then apologize and explain otherwise just let it go. It will be hard to let it go because you feel guilty and you want to make him see that it wasn't intentional, but like Mrs. said, he's not going to see your point of view right now no matter what you do so it's best just not mention it unless he does.
There is only one person who could ever make you happy, and that person is you. David Burns, Intimate Connections
Try not to sorry about getting everything said now, you'll get to eventually. I know how badly you want him to understand how much he's hurt you. Problem is he won't.
Is there another alternative to him watching the kids? I ask this b/c he may just see it as additional pressure esp. if he's actively job hunting. As far as apologizing goes, what do you epect the outcome to be? If you expect anything, I wouldn't b/c I think you're setting yourself up. If, on the otherhand you think you were out of line, you could say that and let him know you didn't intentionally keep the practice from him (you realize he probably won't believe you). If he really thinks you're being vendictive, this may just set off another argument. He can't argue with you if you won't though (but he can spew). You ready for this?
Just some things to think about. Hope you have a good day.
I think he was done arguing and that is why he hung up on me. I think I may ask him to watch the kids and if he says he can't b/c of job hunting then I will say ok. I hate being blamed when I did not do something!!
I am all for honesty and I can't stand when I am being lied to and I know it!
I know. I hate being blamed too. I'm on board with the honesty, but I've got to say, I don't ask too much these days. My H doesn't say much either. I'm sure he's not telling me lots, but I truly don't care. Sometimes when I look at him I just see him standing there in his tights and cape with the I in the C on the front (Captain Insane-O). It makes me smile.
I wish I could say I honestly don't care! I really do! I am still having a hard time not talking to him like my H...I feel like I can tell him anything...I am also so hurt to know that this A was going on for a while b/f he left....
How dare he treat me like that! I thought we were best friends~
Even the best of friends sometimes hurt each other deeply. That's the risk we take when we open our hearts to people. You know that it's worth it though. I can honestly say that even if we'd never had our D's and I had the chance to go back and do it again (even without being able to change anything) I wouldn't hesitate. The love I have had the privilege to share is worth everything. Even all this pain (sigh). It's who I am. It's making me who I was meant to be.
I always thought I could tell my H anything too. Right now though he isn't my H. That's why I can "not care". I guess to say I "dont care" isn't completely accurate. I have compassion for him and I care as I would for someone I don't know. That's b/c I don't know this man. I hope to have the opportunity to get to know him and maybe become friends and maybe build something from there.
No you didn't deserve this, but it doesn't change that it's happening. I'm not an optimist by nature, but try to look for the silver lining. If you need help there, maybe I can assist.
Grace, Has your H taken legal action? Mine could not wait to file for D and has. With all this job business I am not sure how fast it is going to go.
I have been hurt very deeply and I don't know how you forgive that. H wants no contact with me other than about the kids so I don't see us ever being friends...H is the same way with his xw...I always thought it was her but now I am not too sure.
Grace, Love the attitude. I too would go back and do it all again despite the pain I'm going through now and have been through the last 6 months.
Mom, I know it has to be hard that your H filed for divorce right away. Just get on with your life and do fun stuff with your girls. Make friends, renew old relationships, go out, have fun. That is honestly what has helped me the most of anything to not care so much about what he is doing. My H didn't really want to have anything to do with me the first few weeks either and as soon as I stopped trying and started doing things with other friends he started calling and coming around more and more. He's still a long way from being home, but at least it's better than it was. ((((((Mom2))))))
There is only one person who could ever make you happy, and that person is you. David Burns, Intimate Connections
