Thanks for linking that. I had forgotten about that convo.
I think there are some important lessons that you can learn about Rs by looking critically at EAs. For instance, I believe that in most cases, an EA is not ALL about the "fog." There are usually legitimate reasons to be attracted to OP. There may be legitimate reasons to think that had you and OP met while single, that you could have had a great R/M. Many of the M troubles that you may share with OP are probably legitimate problems. I don't think it is correct to say that the entire A is predicated on the "first date" mindset or chemicals or whatever. It may be in some extreme cases. I think what it does do is causes people to ignore the other side of the coin. That there are almost always negatives between two people, no matter how compatible they seem on the surface. That your M, although it may be bad, has some positives and most likely has potential for change. I think what the fog really does is make you forget the idea that two of the most compatible people can be divorced within a year if they don't try to make it work, and that two of the least compatible people can have a happy marriage if they are willing to do whatever it takes to find compromise. As NOPkins says "love is a choice." The fog causes you to forget that. It is so enticing to go for the feelings that come without any work.
The point of all that Cadesmom is along the same lines of what Fearless wrote, EAs are understandable. Wrong, but understandable. But it doesn't mean your H is a bad person, just a person who has made bad choices. I think he has it in him to be the SO that you want, he just needs to break out of the fog and begin thinking more clearly about what he has (a M to you) and what he doesn't have (a proper R with OW).
I hope the story you related to us this morning is a step in the right direction. As I mentioned earlier, one way to get out of the fog is to see clearly that you have something worthwhile in your M.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
