Cadesmom, I felt wanted and desired by OW, that she felt I was attractive emotionally and physically. I felt no desire or attraction from my W. I felt understood by OW, that we agreed on most important life issues. I did not feel that way with my W. I felt that OW wanted to have fun with me and have an exciting life. I felt that my W wanted to only focus on the minutiae of existing. I felt like OW listened to me and wanted to help me. I felt like my W only cared about herself and her needs. I felt like OW appreciated everything I did for her. I felt like my W appreciated nothing I did for her. I felt like OW was actively trying to do nice things for me. I felt that my W would rather focus on the kids or herself.
Obviously, looking at the above list, many of the items are as a result of the "fog" of an EA. Things that are in fact small seem huge and lots of rationalizing occurs.
Chrome's and fearless's explanation were very good. I have not had a full blown EA but here is a posting of mine from a couple of years ago that shows how easy it was for me to fantasize in this area. I got smacked down pretty good at the time (deservedly) and some very good points were made about how easy it is to find attraction when you are in "dating best behavior mode".
By the way, somewhere in the thread I suggested that I would simply give my W the thread so she could know what exactly was going on in my head. I did give it to her and it spurred an interesting discussion. This tactic is not for the faint of heart though and could have easily backfired on me.
Gone the carvings and those who left their mark. Gone the kings and queens, now only the rats hold sway.
