Oh, my heart breaks to hear about your S and his W thinking of ending their 5 year marriage. (Do they think this is easy??) It is a secret worry of mine with one of my Ss. There is something I sense in him... and I worry that the first thing to go if the going gets tough will be his marriage.
Yes, there is a curse or is it a biblical quote (?) about the sins of the fathers. It was talked about on the faith radio station I listen to. I don't remember how many generations it passes through. However, I don't think it is always true. My father, who would be 89 now, told me that his grandfather was a very mean person ( no details were offered) and yet my father's relatives were all very good people, honest, nice to be around, etc. So there is hope; the die is NOT cast.
I agree that adult children hold on to their idea that the status quo will be maintained and their parents will stay married. However, I also feel, (with no supporting evidence whatsoever) that once the divorce is a reality, they ignore it, bury it and get on with their lives. Fast forward a few years...I know that throughout my life, I benefitted from the thought that my parents were there, as they had always been. I didn't call on them but I knew I could. It is that sense of security that children of divorce miss out on. In the future, what will my Ss and your Ss miss that would be important to their well-being? Will missing that sense of family make them stronger, weaker, warped? I don't think I like the answer!
I worked so hard at being a good parent. To think that xh & I placed an obstacle in the path for my Ss to work through, that is a great sorrow for me.
How am I doing? I'm fine most of the time...for weeks at a time, actually. But I have been blindsided in the most unsuspecting moments. Seeing small tendernesses between couples my age get to me such as a man helping his wife with her coat. And the sadness is just as deep and profound as when xh asked for the d. Its strange (..and maybe I'm strange)
I have no desire for dating. I work with men and love to tease the ones with a good sense of humor, but I need to stay at arms length, which is easy for me to do.
I have been thinking that my marriage would have been stronger if there had been more Faith and religion in our home. I did not realize the importance of developing that. Had we had more Faith, my xh would have had some guideposts, something to hang on to when his thoughts started spinning and he entered the tunnel.
Yes, there are many new faces here. I am online for a short time also, which is not long enough to delve into new threads. I learned so much here though. And there are so many people to admire for their strength.
Hang in there. Work on your Faith, work on yourself. You haven't shrunk from this. You have grown. ((Creed))
NLF
You must grow in patience when you meet with great wrongs, and they will then be powerless to vex your mind. ---Leonardo da Vinci
