Like I stated on my post earlier today...there is not much to report on today in regards to my sitch. So I figure I would journal a little.
My W called me and emailed me today, both her VM and email were short and pointed no hello, no have a good day, no the girls miss you...nothing. Oh well....
I got home from work today and basically had to turn around and leave for D5 t-ball practice. I and D2 froze for the hour that we had to be outside waiting on for practice to end. It is still fun watching her play, though her attention is easily drawn away from what she is supposed to be doing.
My W actually made dinner for us. Once home I only had to re-heat it - this made life easier. A home cooked meal is so much better than going out every night. I am tired of restraunts.
I was actually in a good mood today when I walked in the door, so hopefully this made a decent impression on my W before she took off for work.
I just started reading a book called Waking the Dead. I'm only 45 pages into it, so no recommendation at this time. One of the points this book is making or atleast one of the chapters is to start seeing with your heart. Here are some excerpts from the book and how they apply to me.
"You are never a great man when you have more mind than Heart" - Beauchene
......That is why those who live from their minds are detached from life. Things don't seem to touch them very much; they puzzle at the way others are so affected by life, and they conclude others are emotional and unstable. Meanwhile, those who live from the heart find those who live in the mind... unavailable.
I think until this sitch occured this pretty much described my W and I. I always tried to rationalize and fix everything. While she was more in touch with her emotions, I just thought she was overly emotional. I have a feeling this is somewhat normal for most couples but maybe not.
This sitch has put me through hell and I have felt emotions that have been foreign to me until now. I used to purposely avoid the Psalms because I could not relate, now I read about the agony and emotional pain and know exactly what is being described.
Being able to relate with my W on this emotional level is what she has been looking for, I think. I'm told that I did everything else but connect with her emotionally. To be honest until now I have never experianced this depth to my emotions. I just could not give her this without being fake. Now that I have experianced this and would love to share to her about it, she wants nothing to do with me. Hopefully patiences will payoff and she will give me that chance.
I do love my W and would love to re-build our M into something bettter. But I know that I cannot at this point change her or influence her, it has to come from within herself. I have to keep DB, GAL and doing as many 180's as possible.
God Bless, -EmtnRllrCstr
Psalm 37:7-8 37:7 Wait patiently for the Lord! Wait confidently for him! Do not fret over the apparent success of a sinner, a man who carries out wicked schemes! 37:8 Do not be angry and frustrated! Do not fret! That only leads to trouble!
