HB, Hang in there, My H walked out the door and has gone deeper and deeper into his MLC since he left...H has OW, lost 2 jobs, neglects the bills and talks to his kids once a week...We only seperated 4 months ago!!! Oh and he filed for divorce about 2 weeks ago. Read my sitch...similar to yours...unfortunately the whole thing sucks.... Post here and we will help you through this...there are wonderful people here to help...count on us!
What a great and horrible day all in one. I was so happy to have him here. All day I longed for him to say I want to come home. But I knew that wasnt going to happen. Heck he just told me two days ago that he doesnt want to be married anymore why would I expect him to change his mind so fast. Its just me fantasizing I guess. God I miss him. I got in the shower this morning while he was here and I was really hoping that he would come in with me. How dumb am I. I just wish I could get over him, but there is just something about him that keeps me wanting him. I just want him to come home. I wish he could see that it would be better this time. Dont worry I never conveyed any of this to him. I was myself all day and his friend. Right after he left tonight I had to run to the bathroom so I could cry. It breaks my heart when my son stands on the porch with his arms across saying daddy I dont want you to go. I was feeling the same way but I never let on of course. Will I ever get through this. Is there any chnace for us. I guess I will just have to wait and see. Thanks for listening. heather
Well H just came and got the kids. Same as usual, very cordial, nice to each other and the like. He asked if I wanted him to take them for 2 nights and I said not really. I feel bad. Im really not trying to keep him from them, I just think they need to be home. He is staying at a friends house with his friend, friends wife and 4 children. They have to sleep in the basement on an air mattress, its and unfinished basement therefor cold. I hope I did the right thing but right now I dont care. Im thinking about me and my children right now not him. Heather
Ok so, my h is taking the kids tomorrow night. I have asked a friend out to dinner but Im not sure she will be able to go. I want to ask H to come and get the kids right after work so I can go and have dinner with her, but if she cant go is it wrong to tell him I have plans even though Im only going out by myself? Any help and/or advice is apprecitaed. Heather
No, it's not wrong. If your friend can't go, go out and still enjoy yourself. See a movie, go to a bookstore or just kill time at the mall. Don't tell him what's going on, just go out and enjoy yourself.
"I made the wall of shadow draw back, beyond desire and act, I walked on.
Oh flesh, my own flesh, woman whom I loved and lost, I summon you in the moist hour, I raise my song to you."
One more thing. I would like to set up a definite schedule of when he takes the kids. Right now he just calls the day of and asks to take them. I would like to set it up so that he takes them on 2 definate days for the week and one definite day on the weekend. I think this is a good idea. I think its a boundary but Im not sure. ANy more advice? You guys are awesome by the way. This is the first place I come when I am upset or have a question. Thanks so much Heather
Setting boundaries is good. Especially when you want to schedule when he can see the kids. This structures everything, making it easier on you instead of having to juggle everything around.
"I made the wall of shadow draw back, beyond desire and act, I walked on.
Oh flesh, my own flesh, woman whom I loved and lost, I summon you in the moist hour, I raise my song to you."
Well H took the kids tonight. I made sure he was coming after work as I had plans to go out for dinner and shopping with a friend. I made sure that I was ready to go and looking spiffy by the time he got here. Just as I anticipated, he asked where I was going. I told him "out", he said "out?" I said yup. I felt sooo good after that. I also told him today that we need to have a set schedule for him to take the kids. I told him I would like him to take them on Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday. He said we shoudl be more flexible about the weekends in case one of us has plans. Well my thoughts on that are if one if us has plans then its up to us to find a sitter. He doesnt know this, I just told him that we would discuss weekends later. Is that fair? I dont really like him taking the kids to the place where he is staying so it a big step for me to even offer him a schedule. Heather
Fair and great DBing. If he wants, tell him you can switch full weekends instead, but stick to your guns on this. He has to understand that the kids come first.
"I made the wall of shadow draw back, beyond desire and act, I walked on.
Oh flesh, my own flesh, woman whom I loved and lost, I summon you in the moist hour, I raise my song to you."
