Could Use Some Input Over here

[RedHeadWife]

No offense taken. I have told him that cheating on me was a choice that HE MADE. I realize that my "downfalls" in the M contributed to his feelings of neglect, etc., but he made the choice to cheat on me rather than sit down & discuss his feelings. I do not take the blame for his cheating. I do take the blame for the things I did or did not do in my M to get us to where we are, however, if his cheating continues (like this next year while he's gone), I don't think I will "accept" another A. I have been constant and faithful ever since the D bomb and have shown him nothing but love, respect and faithfulness in working on our M and making positive changes. If this is not good enough for him in the long run, I don't want him. I figure I will already be used to not having him around after he's been gone for a year anyway if he decides to come back & has changed his mind about staying married. If he doesn't come to the realization that he actually has it very darn good, that's his loss. Sometimes, I am so close to saying "the hell w/ it" b/c he has not put any sort of effort into putting our M back together. Everything has been my fault and I have bent over backwards to show him I never meant to reject him (by not wanting sex) or hurting him by not necessarily being there for him emotionally either (we had 3 boys in 7 yrs - whole other story). He has never apologized for the ugly things he has said to me since the D bomb, he says they were just the truth, however, it would still be nice to some day hear that he appreciates me sticking it out so that I don't feel like I have absolutely just given up all self respect and accepted all of this w/o reason. I haven't given up that he may say that to me one day, he is just not there yet, therefore, I am not to the giving up point yet either if I still think we are going to be ok one day.

I know, I'm rambling, but this is just getting deeper into what has transpired since he dropped the D bomb and before, other than our sexual problems which I began addressing w/ you guys.

I appreciate any and all thoughts/input.