Life goes on, and it ain't about Job

[whatisis]

8, bottom line is that you have absolutely way of knowing that W will do what she says...ever! That is the reality you are faced with. Now, you can continue to try and work with her and jointly agree on what is best for your children or...or what? What other choice is there? Would it be better for your D to see her parents in ugly confrontations or refusing to speak with each other? Would it be better for her to hear that Mom (or Dad) is a liar? I think not. Of course, this is not happening presently but you also don't want to create a situation where that could come about. I know personally how anger can quickly bring about results I always deemed unlikely! If W violates your agreement then I would call her on it repectfully but then work with D as best you can. The reality is that seeing OM will not be a life devastating event, emotional as it might be for her. Also, if D is 14 does she not have the right to choose whether to see OM? Maybe discuss the options with D (if the time is right for that)and tell her you will love her no matter what she chooses to do but she needs to do what is best for her, not what is best for Mom or Dad. Help her make good choices. Just a thought that at some point may be relevant! Take care.

[81388*]

D12 has made it clear that she has no interest in meeting OM, I have not spoke to D14 yet, but she would likely feel the same way. I have made it a point to NOT be negative about all of this in front of the kids, have had no discussions with my wife on the subject when the kids are around. I really don't want their relationship destroyed, but at the same time don't want the kids to have to deal with OM at all. I like the idea of letting the kids decide what they want to do, but that leaves S6 out in the cold.

I just feel so down that I even have to think about the fact that my wife would not keep her word. What a fall, I would have trusted her with my life a few short months ago, and now I can't trust her to keep her word or protect her chldren.

[ford]

heyya 81

I know is sucks right now, but believe me, it gets better, you will get your life back.

take care of yourself.

[81388*]

Thanks Ford;
I know this in my head, it is convincing my heart that is the problem. But I keep faking it until I can make it.

[ford]

Good man

[theoden]

8,

Ouch. I meant a Lawyer for advice about having a say in who your daughter is exposed to.

--Theoden

[81388*]

Theo;
Thanks, I understood. I will look into it in this state. I guess I need to start covering all the bases, not just trusting that my blind faith will resolve things. This is a very uncomfortable revelation, but it is obvious now that my wife has little or no concern about the well being of her children. I had thought up til now that when push came to shove, she would always err on the side of protecting her children. I continue to put too much trust into a woman who currently deserves none. The risks are to high to not have a back-up plan. Is a separation agreement in order? Does it spell out schedule, OM issues, financials. etc.? What are the reprocussions if she screws up?

[theoden]

8,

Your wife is not a monster. I'm sure she's a good mom. But regarding her relationship with OM and her MLC, she's only thinking about her emotional state. Everything gets sacrificed for that.

I'm not sure. But talk to a lawyer.

You need to protect your children and your right to be with them.

Go for legal advice. Most divorce lawyers, unfortunately, do not always act in the interest of the marriage or the kids. They set up an adverserial situation.

--Theoden

[81388*]

If she is willing to sacrifice everything for HER emotional state,she is NOT a good mom. She has been a good mom, but in her current state she is an emotional liability to her children.

She is willing to lie and cheat. She is willing to sacrifice her children's happiness and well being for her own. No, she is not a monster, but she is not much of a mother either.

[81388*]

Obviously this is a good place for this thread to die "of natural causes", rather then continue on.

I will start a new, more positive thread soon. Or maybe not, OM in town in two weeks, and "work" trip to Europe with MY wife next month. The fantasy continues, as does the nightmare.