Well you are right again....I don't feel good about myself mainly because of my marriage. If I were happy...I think things would be different. I would exercise but not at an obsessive amt. I also think staying at home isolates me away from other adults...so I feel terribly lonely. I have really good days when I am with others. Although I do have another addiction...the computer.
The H is doing great at work....and is growing like crazy. He feels very good in that regard. But it is a lot to have on one's shoulders...so I try to support as best I can. I don't give him a hard time about trips, etc. I used too...when he worked for someone else. But I realize this is our company so of course i need to back him up . I make sure to tell him how proud I am of him as well. A big risk to go it on your own.
I take full responsibility for our marital status. He is happy and content...except of course when s is involved. I am glad he hasn't asked me why I don't kiss him during it.
Yes, I am still quite HD, but very LD/ND towards my wife the last few years. I think I've let too much resentment build up, but my libido is just fine everywhere else (altho I haven't acted on it).
[quote=Crazy Eddie]Oh yeah, does he work out too? If not, tell him that it'll give him more energy, a better mood, more confidence and help his brain work better and his performance at work (and elsewhere) improve. It'll basically deliver what those Enzyte commercials promise (well, except for the bigger wang).
I have tried to get him to make it a priority....but he doesn't. Well he runs...he used to lift with me...but says I am too tough. Now he runs a few times a week if that...but doesn't lift. I think he should. When he did, he felt good about himself. I would catch him looking in the mirror and commenting on how he sees good changes. I lift 6 days a week...I would enjoy lifting with him. It isn't an interest...and that is okay too. He is in good shape.
Resentment might be my issue too....resentment towards him for his actions and maybe we have grown apart in our interests. Hate saying that because it sound like an excuse and not a way to work on the problems.
I'm with Choc. I still consider myself to be relatively HD, but at the same time, I have almost no sexual interest in W. The decades of rejection and frustration just killed it. I'm not sure that helps you any - but you did ask...
Resentment might be my issue too....resentment towards him for his actions and maybe we have grown apart in our interests. Hate saying that because it sound like an excuse and not a way to work on the problems.
Well, if you've got resentment, let's haul it out in the open and see what's what.
Forget what's turning you on or not turning you on. What has he done that you resent him for? No one can fix anything until you can spell out specifically how you feel he has wronged you and how you feel he continues to wrong you.
So far, I've seen:
1. Neglecting you 2. Snapping at the kids 3. Being dismissive or oblivious about your weight loss achievement 4. Cranky jealousy when you want to dress-up and show off your new body
Anything else?
a fine and enviable madness, this delusion that all questions have answers, and nothing is beyond the reach of a strong left arm.
resentment in feeling invisible to him...resentment that all he talked about was work...resentment that he is short with the kids and doesn't appreciate me ( what I do at home and for the kids)
I had an identity when I worked...now I am "mom" I love being "mom" but there is no reward or gratification except from your children...and what you feel doing it for your kids. You do however, hear it when the kids are bad and then you get "these kids are spoiled" "They are ungrateful" and then basically you take it personally like it is your fault and you are a failure at your "job"
Please don't misread--my kids are my life...i love the fact that i can be at home with them. But I had a fantastic reputation in the business world and that identity has been lost. Fulfillment from kids is great...but very different. I wouldn't want to go back to work...until they are in school.
runner, Things got way worse before they got better. I wanted my H to be more manly and confident; he wanted me to admire him and be more openly desiring of him. The sexual issues went hand in hand with other issues, resulting in our distancing more and more. For awhile our major focus was the house and kids. When the distance became overwhelming, I found myself reading divorce/relationship books and found this board.
What helped me get back on track was asserting very clearly and definitively what I wanted, and also taking the first steps to become a better wife to him. I had to learn to set boundaries and to give more.
