Looking Up

[Heywyre]

Ok, got my 2x4 courage again. Sheesh I don't know why I can't just move forward. I sure am trying and, have to admit, I am getting better at it than before

You are right, I am sure he feels pretty stupid (even if he doesn't admit it). All his defending her probably translates into "how can I make myself feel better for being so sucked in"

I know he is still living in the fantasy of that world and I just have to believe that the real world, here with me, will get stronger each day. He really does seem to be trying more these days and for the first time this weekend, I think he truly understands the pain he has caused.

You are right COG, I need to forgive (not necessarily forget though - that would just allow the disease to re-enter)

I thought I had forgiven him but it is obvious it was under my rules, and that won't work. If I am going to forgive him, it has to be with my whole heart and without any conditions and strings attached.

As for going away for a whole weekend by myself ... that won't happen. Too many personal issues right now but perhaps down the road. As a matter of fact, for an April Fools Day joke he went out in the morning for coffee with his friend. When he came home I said that my gf had called and we decided that after the semester was finished I was going to go with her to Florida for a couple of weeks. You should have seen his face!! The look of disappointment that he would be home alone was priceless. Then he tried to not act like a spoiled child and said "maybe it will do me good to miss you for a while. - hmmmm interesting

So, I know the feelings are there, it will just take some time for them to resurface (hope its before I turn 90)