Things are going brilliantly as far as H and I are concerned. We had a lovely weekend together and H moved back into our bedroom this weekend - Hooray !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
We haven't actually had the chance to get very intimate since the last time because we have both been absolutely exhausted. H been really busy with work and doing DIY at home and our sons and I have been unwell so i'm really tired.
I have been very worried about Easter because it was Easter Sunday last year when H walked out. Oh, how things have changed!!
I know i should be over the moon - which i am, but i have been feeling really low lately and i'm not exactly sure why. I am so scared that i am going to change back to my old ways of feeling guilty and negative about everything. Also, i don't seem to have any energy to do anything, everything seems so overwhelming. My brain just isn't functioning at the moment. For example, i went to do the food shopping this morning - i spent about an hour in the supermarket, put all the shopping through the checkout and then realised that i didn't have my purse with me - i could have cried!!!!!!!!
I don't want my H to see me like this in case he gets scared and regrets his decision to come back. On Friday we had arranged to meet up with friends and their children at a local pub and for some reason i got really anxious about it and told H that i couldn't go - i got in a bit of a state, which is what i used to do. Eventually, he very patiently persuaded me to come and we had a lovely time. Now, i am so annoyed at myself for being ridiculous - i just couldn't stop myself from feeling totally irrational.
Why is this happening again, i am starting to doubt myself and the strenght i had is disappearing, i really thought that all that was behind me now, it is just such a horrible feeling when things like that happen. i expect to have the odd bad day but this has been about 2 weeks. I have no reason whatsoever to feel depressed - i should be feeling the happiest that i have ever felt.
I am sure there are people reading this and shouting at the screen "for F**k sake get a grip" because i am now in a position that they would give anything for. I really, truly am soooo happy about how things are with H and I, i just wish i could relax and really enjoy it properly.
Hope all is well for you guys.
Cadesmom - it's good to hear that you have been following my sitch. Are you in a similar sitch and has this been of any help to you?
