Well, this topic definitely caught my eye, as I have had my own EA. I don't know your exact situation, but I you asked about things that OW could be giving him that he is not getting from you. I can relate some of my past feelings, maybe it will help.
I felt wanted and desired by OW, that she felt I was attractive emotionally and physically. I felt no desire or attraction from my W. I felt understood by OW, that we agreed on most important life issues. I did not feel that way with my W. I felt that OW wanted to have fun with me and have an exciting life. I felt that my W wanted to only focus on the minutiae of existing. I felt like OW listened to me and wanted to help me. I felt like my W only cared about herself and her needs. I felt like OW appreciated everything I did for her. I felt like my W appreciated nothing I did for her. I felt like OW was actively trying to do nice things for me. I felt that my W would rather focus on the kids or herself.
Obviously, looking at the above list, many of the items are as a result of the "fog" of an EA. Things that are in fact small seem huge and lots of rationalizing occurs. But there are actually some things in there that are of real concern, things that frankly I have not yet been able to solve in my M (like feeling desired by my W, or that she wants to have fun with me, or that she appreciates me). Maybe one thing you can do is think of ways to make your H feel that you desire him, that you want to be his "recreational companion" (as Harley puts it), and that you admire and appreciate him. That may be very hard, considering he is rejecting you in many ways.
I will say that the EA will not stop until the fog lifts. There are two ways to cut through the fog. Either he has to see that what he has with OW really isn't as good as what he has with you, or he has to see that what he has with OW is really bad. Once the fog lifts then logic can come back into play. Most people tend to focus on the second part, threaten D, etc. But I think unless the offended partner is willing to take a hard look at what is going on in the M and make a conscious choice to work together to improve the situation, the next EA is just waiting to happen.
Don't know if that was helpful at all, but I do wish you the best. I hope your H's fog lifts soon and he is able to break free from the EA that is most likely destroying him in many subtle ways that he doesn't even realize.
Chrome
"Recollect me darlin, raise me to your lips, two undernourished egos, four rotating hips"
