ssm--low desire with spouse..but not ld person

[Crazy Eddie]

Hi newjourney-

I know that a part of me doesn't like how he is short tempered with the kids. That is a real problem and I told him that is the most unattractive thing. And I guess the only thing I can think of is ...trying to pinpoint when this lack of feeling occurred. It was two yrs ago and I felt invisible. I lost l;ike 40 pounds after our third child and went to a size 2...and he didn't really make me feel good.

Sounds like the guy's mind was chronically elsewhere. I can't say more without further detail.

10 yr anniversary I wore a black halter dress..and is first response was "you are wearing that? All I am wearing is golf shorts and a shirt? We don't have to get so dressed up.:"

Now I have been at home with the kids and feeling like I need to get out and felt good about my weight loss...and that wasn't what I wanted to hear.

So for you, dressing up is a way to have fun and show off your new bod? I would guess that for him, dressing up is something you do when you have to, when you're going to go to work and not have fun. His idea of "getting away from it all" does not include dressing up.

Also, if he's anything like me, a casual outfit on a woman, especially one that fits well, is damn sexy. No makeup, a well-fitting T-shirt (tight but not TOO tight), jeans or a skirt or a pair of shorts, and sneakers or flat sandals... yummm! A great way to show off your new bod!

Now where was I.... oh yeah, it seems you took his remark about dressing up to mean all sorts of things that were never intended by him. And he took your dressing up to mean something you never intended. And he had his head elsewhere for too long anyway, which only fed your tendency to do this. (And, for all I know, maybe you did too.) I can't say whether he was spaced out enough to not notice a 40 pound (!) weight loss, or whether he simply sees your weight as Something Not To Be Talked About, but either way y'all seem to be spending too much time anticipating each other's reaction and interpreting the hell out of what is said and not enough time actually talking and listening to each other's words.