I was reading through some of the posts and thought I would start my story here as well. I have another thread or sitch (whatever it is called) under the newcomers forum and it is under Affair discovered. Wel here is my story in a nutshell:
Married for four years, had twins a 14 months ago, one boy and one girl. Had some major rollercoasters the past 4 years, almost got a divorce our first year. Suspensions of OW then, but didn't happen. Although he had an attraction towards her. Got through the rough time, marriage was great and I got pregnant 21/2 years into our marriage. This was a planned pregnancy. Had my babies and my H completely quit giving me attention. I did the same towards him, due to the fact that i was so focused on my babies. Had suspicions of OW in Oct. 2006. I confronted him, but he denied. He kept staying away from the house, left for a couple of weekends and avoided me as much as possible. I became the nagging wife and was frustrated. I wasn't receiving any help from him as far as the babies were concerned. Well, I was, but it was very little. I started to do my own things with friends, we started having screaming matches and calling each other names. He degraded me in front of his parents, I decided to leave. He agreed on this. I moved out Dec. 9. He played mind games with me, where he wanted to be with me and then he was asking for divorce. The A was exposed on Feb. 14, 2007. He had been seeing her since Sept. I found out that one of his weekend trips was with her. She works in his office, we all work on the same campus. They in the district office and me in a few buildings away as a teacher. H file March 6, I responded March 21. He continues his A and spends tons of $ on her. I quit talking about her, moved on, accepted the D and want to move on with my life. However, why do I keep coming back to DB and how can I talk to him when we exchange kids. I cannot even look at him I am so angry! Well off to a meeting, please let me know what you think.
My H continues to be on his rollercoaster. I am really feeling like it is over. I signed my response papers last Thurs. He should get them this week. He will be shocked to see that I am not backing down from him, he never wanted to go through lawyers. I am doing it to protect myself and children. He is in a very lost, confused state.
Gracey, It seems first that you need to get over some of your anger and stop hurting him every time you see him. No matter what happens, you will need to be civil to him since you have kids together. I know it is so darn tough but I think YOU need to be the first to send up the white flag. Check out the list of 180's on Chicki's thread... There's a good start of what you need to do. Start doing them and see what happens. What do you have to lose?
Gracey, it is very difficult the first few months when all the emotions are going full force. Sorry to be so frank, but it's probably not a good idea to push for D at this point just because both of your emotions are going all over the place. There is no hurry for a divorce. I would just use the lawyer to protect certain financial stuff quickly so he does not spend all the money, but would leave D out first (is that possible to do? not sure). Give yourself six months to calm down. same for h. Then both of you can decide what to do next. Meanwhile, you can start reading.
take care.
M 38, H 38, two sons Met 20 years ago Married 13 years Bomb: Oct, 2006 DB: Started in Dec, 2006 H moved out for 3 weeks in Mar, 2007 H back home and piecing?
However, I had to sign my papers. He was the petitioner. He filed on March 6. I just made an appointment with my lawyer without filing. I had a certain time frame that I had to respond to his petition. He came to me last week and asked me to delay the divorce. Made it sound like he wanted to reconcile. Two days later, he spent the day with her, turned cold to me again and I saw her vehicle parked outside our house yesterday. He told me to think about things for the week, but before that week was over, he was already with her. I haven't said anything to him about it. I am concentrating on myself and trying not to let it get to me. Throughout the past few months he kept saying he wanted the D. I kept telling him to just let it sit for awhile until things calmed down. The last time it was talked about prior to March 6, he told me wasn't going to wait anymore and that he was going to file. So...........he did. On the brighter side, we can actually communicate. Well, not really, he is avoiding me now. I am done with the screaming matches. He was rude to me on Easter, but I ignored him and just kept being calm and cheery. I feel better when I do this. I am continue to work on myself and trying to walk through this treacherous road.
I was told there is many ways to respond to the D instead just signing... you can ask for court ordered marriage counseling for x amount of time and then if he still wants the D then you will comply, but right now I am w/ you.. I told my H to move out and he won't sys that is his house he pays teh mortgage! UGH1
I just saw the OW. She was outside of her building. It stinks that we are all on the same campus. I don't want to see either of them. I wanted to walk up to her and tell her what I thought of her, but I didn't, because I am better than the both of them.
Haven't posted anything in awhile. The D is in the process. My H received my answers papers last week. He is not happy. He thinks I am asking for things because i want revenge. This isn't the case. He hasn't made our babies a priority and I believe that I should have them more. He doesn't make much of an effort to be around them, only when he has too. In three weeks he only saw them 3 days. I have a problem with this. He continues his R with OW and I heard a rumor that he is possibly seeing more than one woman. I asked him to please be respectful and little more discrete about what he does until our D is final. He pretty much hates me at this point. He is upset that I got a lawyer. I try to ignore his tactics as much as possible.
Gracey, I'm so sorry that you are going through this. I can understand the feeling about wanting to tell off the OW, but you are doing the right thing. You are so above that. In the long run everyone will say that you are a lady and will always be a lady. The OW on the other hand, well I'm sure many people can fill in the blanks on that! Take care of yourself and those precious babies. Your husband is so confused, it's not you making him unhappy, he is the one responsible for that!
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Thank you so much! He continues to blame me, but has not taken complete responsiblity. I had my faults and owned up to them, but I never turned to someone else besides my H for comfort. I know everything is time and I do feel great, I just want it so what he does, will not affect me at all. I can actually say, that I can see a light. I went through the most difficult moments in my life Dec.-March, but I made it through and I know that I can only keep rising. I also don't want to be a part-time mom. I feel that I shouldn't have to, I mean, why should I sacrifice my motherhood, for his decisions? He has the OW and wanted the D.
I also don't want to be a part-time mom. I feel that I shouldn't have to, I mean, why should I sacrifice my motherhood, for his decisions? He has the OW and wanted the D.