Trying to piece at last

[NikB]

Hi HB,

Catching up on you - didn't realize you were in Piecing, that's good news I hope! So glad H has agreed to give it another chance. About the big talk - I think it's good you had that, but I'd leave the R / M talk alone for now. SHOW the changes, rather than talking about them. I see that you're having a lot of those talks - for example this one:

Just xcome in from work and asked how he was and he said fine i asked him how he thought things were going and he said they are going ok. So i asked him if everything I was doing was ok and he said yes and i said well im not trying too hard cos i thought it a bit pointless to try I might as well just be myself and it makes things a lot easier and i also think the fact that I dont need you anymore is helping us too.

I am just barely getting to where I think I may be Piecing soon, but this really jumped out at me as something to avoid? Any others with more Piecing experience have thoughts on this?? It seems to me like if you're having good times together, laughing, feeling more relaxed, just GO with that rather than asking how things are going??

I think of it as more like early dating. Can you imagine on your second date with someone going into a convo like this? 99.9% of guys would take off running!!

I also agree 100% with the advice to keep focusing on making yourself better, remember not to have too many expectations, and don't try to push your H.

The way I am seeing at the moment after tonight and the way he ran out on me Fri night he isnt really trying to pice this marriage at all.

Someone recommended that I re-read this section of DR, and sounds like you should probably do the same. I haven't re-read it yet but Stilltryin mentioned that it talks about getting annoyed, and how to cope with it.

It sounds like you're having a lot of expectations on what he "should" do in order to piece things back together. But maybe his expectations are entirely different, and he's doing it in his own way. On Fri he didn't really run out on you, did he? He just went home after watching the kids for the night. His leaving quickly may have had nothing to do with you, and as you mentioned he wasn't under any kind of obligation to stay just because you hoped he might. Maybe you asking him to stay freaked him out and he didn't want to move too fast... or maybe he had to be up early the next morning and wanted to get to bed, who knows.

On walking you and the girls home - it's entirely possible the thought just didn't cross his mind. Or maybe telling him you didn't need him upset him a bit, maybe he's thinking "Fine she doesn't need me, I won't be there." I'm not saying go into "needy" mode, not at all!! Just thinking it may be related. And I also wouldn't expect him to be a mind-reader. If you were truly worried about walking home, you could have said "H it's pretty late and I'm nervous walking home alone with the girls, would you come with us?"

((((HB))))

Hope today's a better day for you!