This really sucks. But, isn't the paternity something you want to find out about? I would think it important to know whether or not some children were my kids, and my other kids siblings...
BTW, how are you doing with the boundary stuff you were working on?
Oldtimer brings up a good point but it will be a desc. you will have to make concerning knowing or not. I would definitely need to know but that is me.
Ben 32 STBXW 29 3 kids (D1,S4,SD8) (1 dog 5months) Status: Fighting for the Kids.
"The only thing we know about future developments is that they will develope."
Sigh. I really have not come to terms with what I want concerning the baby sitch. Not sure I want to open a can of worms--you know? On the other hand, I don't want this to come back to slap our family in the face in the future. Nor can I think it's okay to just pretend there isn't a possibility that he has other children. I think he should be responsible for that.
H seems to feel it's all beyond his control and doesn't appear to be concerned in the least.
I talked to my C today. He said to keep following the voices inside me. I still feel that I need to give this more time to see how everything shakes out. The logical thing to do, when viewing a pro-con list is to GET OUT NOW. But there's still this part of me that can't let go.
On the boundaries, I'm working on them. Many of them are in direct opposition to the status quo with H, and though he's showing me that he does want me and our family, the real deep things that have to change are still non-negotiable with him.
Sweetie, always go with your gut...if you feel you want to still see how this plays out...then do so...the gut is your inner voice to your conscious...go with it.
Still following your sitch and rooting for you Aud. I can only imagine how difficult this all is for you. You are strong and patient. Your gut has been accurate. Hang on and wait for that still voice. You will know what to do. We are all in your corner
\o/\o/\o/ Three cheers!
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Is 43:18-19
If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time. Hab 2:3
Discussed boundaries last night, and H is still adamantly resistant to my biggies. He made a few concessions, enough to put me at ease last night, but in the light of day, nothing has really changed.
My biggest worry right now: I think I allowed him to move home too soon. He seems to just be smoothing everything over. For some reason, my judgement of right and wrong becomes cloudy when he's around.
Aud, I feel like I missed a page somewhere. You drew the line, you cut off contact b/c he's a pathological liar, you physically left town to LRT for a bit and get perspective...
...and he's back home? With no admissions or agreement to your core beliefs?
How did that happen? You're stronger than that, and I don't understand what made you cave in so fast just to have him home? I'm confused. Sorry if that sounded harsh, I just missed the whole moving home thing. Do fill me in.
Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Is 43:18-19
If it seems slow in coming, wait. It's on its way. It will come right on time. Hab 2:3
I've been asking myself how that happened and feeling confused. I can only say that in the presence of H, I lose myself. He knows what I want to hear and how to use my feelings to sway my resolve. I've only recently realized to what extent this happens, thanks to an amazing friend who has not allowed me to succumb entirely. I think it goes back to insecurities I grew up with, but in this process I have dropped most of them. Still getting used to life without the baggage, and finding myself stumbling. But I'm getting better at picking myself up and moving forward.
So. Another big hill on Aud's rollercoaster in the past twenty four hours:
I left H a note last night saying that while I appreciate the efforts he has made in the last week, I have to stand for two things in our marriage--without these actions, I can see no future for us: he needs to start trying to find a new job and we need counseling. I said I need some space and will be away for a few days.
Now, before y'all lay into me, I need to say that there are many reasons the job has to go...I realize that change has to come from within H, but I don't see any of it happening while he is at his current place of employment. And the counseling thing is obvious.
So he left me voice messages last night saying he's done trying to make me happy and will proceed with D. Then he emailed, accusing me of being too perfect and unforgiving. (Huh? If he only knew just how much I have forgiven him and want to be here for him.) After the accusations though, he apologized for what he's done and said he will start working on making things right with God.
I've remained silent thus far. I feel that a lot of what he said was manipulation (don't we all try to manipulate in our own ways?), but some of it seemed really sincere and just breaks my heart.
H's parents are finally stepping in and asked to meet with both of us this evening. I think that's as close to counseling as he'll come, but I'm willing to see how it goes. I just can't let myself be in the sitch anymore without a true change of heart from H. I have prayed for so long. It's all in God's hands now. I'm ready to walk into the next chapter.
