Yup, I THOUGHT I thought of the divorce as final on the day it was granted, but I guess in my heart, knowing it wasn't final until 6 months later was a defense mechanism . It's approaching now, and I'm realizing that I've got miles and miles to go on my journey before I feel even slightly 'healed' from this experience. I know, I know...start out with just one foot in front of the other.
As far as our adult children. All we can do is be there for them, because more than likely our WAS won't/can't be. I keep putting myself in their shoes because they were as blindsided when this all started to happen as I was. I know how they looked and their dad and I. How they looked up to us, how they were proud of having one of the few intact families in their circle of friends, how they wanted marriages like their folks had. There world blew apart at the same time as mine did...and I think they held onto their idea of what we were just as long as I did. They act more accepting to what has happened then before, but I'm real good at reading between the lines with them. *(Mothers are generally pretty good at that, you know..LOL)
Just the fact that my oldest son is now stating that he isn't sure he wants to stay in his 5 year old marriage, and that his wife is also unsure goes to show you how this sin carries through from generation to generation. I'm not saying that in some cases that divorce isn't a necessary option. I'm saying that people learn to give up instead of trying to fix something that is broke. They just see everyone else throwing the old away, and looking for something new.
There is NO way that this son would have contemplated divorce. There has never been one in my immediate family, so I know that seeing his dad do it, and now he feeling that he hasn't been treated right (and his wifes family has big history of divorce) it just follows from one generation to the next.
Isn't there something about the fathers sin visiting his sons ?? My God if I had to count back how many generations this has happened in my xh family, you'd be shocked. And I remember my xh telling a minister/counsellor he'd never let that happen in this family.
The date(s)...I don't know what that means, but I hope it means that divorcing me and walking away from his family was the unluckiest day of his life!!!! I can only hope he pays attention to the dates, and wonders the same thing, but in his present condition, that may be impossible.
I've tried catching up on some threads, but I'm online so irregularly anymore I feel like I'm so out of the loop. How are you doing? And your family? There are so many new 'faces' here, and so few of the more 'seasoned' ones, isn't there.
I do see/read some threads that seem very positive though, and that is a blessing. To know that miracles are happening around us...
