Life goes on, and it ain't about Job

[81388*]

YW;
I understand what you are saying about not breaking D's confidence, but I don't know how to reinforce not having my wife lie to me, especially about the children. Her expectation is that we will communicate about the kids, but she is lying about what is going on and I don't know how to make her see that it is not acceptable.

[osu43130]

8,
Sorry I have not been around much but I have been trying to clear some stuff up in my own head so I have not been around as much as I should have been....Now that that is out of the way....

Do I call her on it?

You can look at this two ways.

1) Let it go until it happens. Honestly there is really nothing you can do if she wants to take her around JA. She is going to do what ever she wants and if she gets pissed off at you she might just do it our of spite to get under your skin. My STBX did it. Now I do not know your W obviously so I really do not know what type of a person she is...

2) In a friendly non-confrontational way express you concerns about taking them around JA. Explain the negative way that it could affect the kids emotionally and mentally. However, you can not bring this up in a confrontational matter.


Just my 2 cents.

[81388*]

O;
I totally understand you needing to take care of business, I have been spending less time here as well. It just seems like every day, by the time I sit down and have some time to myself, it is 10:30 at night, and I still don't have everything done.

Part of the problem is that to my face, she "shares" my concerns, so why in the world would she suggest to D12 that she meet OM?

We have remained cordial through all of this, so sitting down and talking to her would not be a problem, but I don't think talking to her is going to do any good if she doesn't see it already.

[osu43130]

Unfortunately you can only voice your opnion on the matter. It took me getting a restraining order and filing to get the CB to understand that it is just not right...However, my sitch is way different than you when it comes to that.

Question for you though....

Does you D12 ever bring up the OM?

[theoden]

8,

Talk to a lawyer. In some states you can prevent her from exposing the kids to the OM.

--Theoden

[Heartbroken]

In MI - the ex of the OW had it written she in not allowed to have 'sleepovers' while she has her kids. So I know it can be written fairly specific here...

[81388*]

She only has the one time the other night. I asked if D14 knew about OM and "engagement", D12 thought she did, but wasn't sure. I am not sure about asking D14 about it if she doesn't know. D12 said she hates OM and would never want to spend time around someone like that, never wants to meet him. Just breaks my heart to think about having to put her through that trauma.

Got to go back to work, check back with you after awhile.

[whatisis]

8, Your W wants to legitimize her A by getting your D's approval of her new R. If D meets OM and likes him then W will feel vindicated. It's all about W, no thought to D. Is there a way that you can approach W and put forward the idea that it would be better for D to wait a bit. D has had to digest alot recently and it seems like a far better idea to let her adapt to the current sitch without adding the OM dimension right now. You don't have to state any approval or disappoval of what W has done, only put out what you feel would be healthy for D's mental health right now cuz "I know you care most about D's adjustment, dear W". I know, how self centred can one be but that's the way it is right now. Good luck with it 8. Lastly, DON'T assume talking with W will be useless and rush to a lawyer, take the high road first!

[osu43130]

Whatisis is right 8,

Also do not mention it to D14. If she wants to talk about it she will...No the positive thing is that D12 realizes that it is wrong and does not want to be around OM. Unfortunately in my sitch I was made out to be the bad guy to my kids because they fell in love with JSO because he bought his way into their life.

Just stay focused on your kids and keep expressing your concerns about your two childrens emotional responses to introducing them to the OM at such an early time...

[81388*]

I have no intention of rushing off to a lawyer, my point is that I can't trust what my wife says. She has already lied to me point blank about this and so many other things. If I talk to her and she agrees that it is a bad idea, which she has already said, I have no assurance that she won't do it anyway. I told her again the other night thanks for respecting my wishes on this, her response "it is my(her) wish as well, as it would be inappropriate for them to meet." Of course when this all began she said it would be inappropriate for her to sleep with someone else while she was still married, and "would never do that." I guess she never really directly commented on how she felt about getting engaged while still married to someone else!