1 yr anniversary........when will this end?

[maryfromaustin]

hi all.

guess i should explain the laundry situation. he doesn't bring his weekly laundry; when he comes over he spends the weekend with us. since i used to do laundry on sundays, then i'd throw his stuff in there too. so it's not like he asks me to do his laundry or me ask him to bring his stuff either.


journaling:

Easter. jeez, need i say more. we had planned, and I do mean WE, a fun weekend with the kids. friday he came over, we went out to dinner as a family (i treated because i had an awesome work week $$$). saturday was rainy and cold and just vegged, rented movies, made kettle popcorn, and just enjoyed time together. FYI: friday was a very sexual night. i had told myself not to do anything with him but when the going got tough, i couldn't control myself. it was fun though.

sunday....the kids were driving me nut and i sensed he was feeling overwhelmed with the kids. he decided to go on a bike ride while we went to church and that he was annoyed by the kids. HELLO! so was i but where was i going to go? we kinda got into an argument because of that. i told him he couldn't just walk away whenever he wanted to. then he said he was just aggravated by the kids fighting/shouting/teasing, etc etc. i understand that, but things got out of hand. he went on his bike ride and i just felt alone again with the kids. he called after church and asked what we were going to do. i felt tired of the wishy washy situation. one week he wants to stay with our agreement instead of the standard visitation. he comes over whenever he wants to see the kids instead of every other weekend. we agreed on this because of the kids sake. then he says he wants to stay with the standard orders!!!! i finally told him he can't have it however he wants whenever he wants. i'm not at his beckon call. i was fed up! i told him if that was his final decision then so be it. he said it was. i said ok. things got icy cold afterwards. i took the kids to his house and spent the rest of the day by myself. i felt horrible. i felt alone. i felt miserable. i felt like a dumb#@s for believing him all this time that he wanted to do the right thing for the kids. i went home and cried. i had a good long talk with a higher power. i needed an answer. i needed comfort. if i was going to be firm about his decision, how was i going to deal with the kids emotions? what about them? they've been so happy with the time they've spent with their dad so far that it would just ruin their hopes of having their parents get along.

i took a while to think things through. if it were the old me, i would immediately act on his decision. I would behave very aggressive and rude. when he called later that evening he told me he'd be bringing the kids home. i told him ok. (he probably assumed i would go pick them up). i held my breath and said ok again. i didn't want to argue at all. we hung up and i asked myself..........should i continue being cold? i took a deep breathe, closed my eyes, and picked up the phone. i told him i'd pick up the kids. when i got there we had a long talk. he said he didn't want the standard orders. he wants what's best for the kids but that he didn't want to spend the night at my house anymore. he doesn't want to give the kids the wrong impression (us getting back together). i said ok. he said let's start over and be friends again. so we ended the evening with peace.

this sure is a rollercoaster ride. i hate it. one minute i wanna give up on him then i want to continue working on our marriage. i hate this feeling.
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what was that old "therapist" saying (when dealing with MLC)........you have to wait a month for every year of marriage or was it a year for every ...i dunno mumbo jumbo. have a good day everyone. i'm hoping i continue staying positive on this new path.