Alaska, It sounds like you have a "zero tolerance" policy when it comes to a spouse having an affair. It sounds like your initial approach is an ultimatum. There is no taking a stand for you.
I think there is a place for ultimatums. I don't think this behavior should be tolerated indefinitely. I have to pursue a D, when I've lost hope that the situation can improve. I'm not there yet.
You're focusing solely on her sleeping elsewhere behavior. I'm looking at it from a larger perspective. I understand in a general sense what she's been going thru: her depression, her MLC, her childhood issues, her personality, her stressors, her maladaptive patterns, her trying to find happiness. It doesn't mean that I approve of the behavior; I just don't focus exclusively on it.
Am I a good person? Yes. Have I tried my best? Not yet. It's a work in progress, and I'm getting better at increasing my personal power. I will reevaluate the situation in one year. Do I feel I deserve better? I know that there are no perfect marriages or perfect people. This isn't completely about me.
Thanks for your viewpoint, but I'm going to stay the course.
CL
I do pretty much have a zero tolerance for some things. If my wife didn't come home ONE night....she'd have explaining to do..........if it was several nights in a row, the locks would be changed, and then she'd have to PHONE me to explain.
As far as my INITIAL approach?? You are FAR from an ititial approach.this has gone on a long time. Have you ever asked her why she doesn't come home and where she sleeps?? If not, why not??
And as far as my viewpoint - you know YOU!! You know what is right for your sitch. I'm just scratching my head as to why you haven't asked her for an explanation??
And if she admitted an affair, what would you do then??
