Penny, Hi, I just wanted to post and let you know that I feel many of the same things. My H and I have been married 20 years and together 24 years. We have 2 Ds ages 15 and 18. I'm thankful that I still have one of them at home. The oldest is in college, but I talk to her daily and see her most every weekend. I'm so thankful for them, I try not to talk to them about our situation, but it is their love and support get me through. I can see that your sons do the same for you. I too am like you. I am so afraid of being alone, but I am getting stronger as I see that you are. We have to work on ourselves, and we will be okay. I know it's easier said than done, but that's the only way, detachment. As everyone says treat them like a friend, although all you want to do do is hold them. I know that I sure have had my meltdowns, but I just try to recoup and keep on DB. You are doing fine.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
I just posted on your site to thank you for your support. It is such a help to know someone else is goingthru the same thing and that they might have the advice that might help.
I txt my H today about some business and told him he was doing a great job helping his brother get things together and producing again. It has been a long ole road. He txt me back and told me I was doing a helleva job on my life and with the business and to keep it up.
Is he just being nice or does he care. I know he calls her and then calls me. I think he was at her house last night. It is such a tough situation to detach but I think I am getting better. It is lonely. When he left yesterday it was a tough one. One time he told me he just doesn't care about anything.
It is really hard because he talks to me about our future with the business and then goes back to her. It is hard with all the different messages that he is sending me. I think he still cares but maybe as a friend? Who knows what is going thru his head. I do really think it is a MLC. I think I will go over to the MLC forum and see what advice they have too.
Penny, I think that he is in a MLC and does not know what he wants. I think we just have to pray and try to ride the storm out. All we can do is detach and do things for ourselves. It's so hard at times, but we will get stronger.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
Do you think your H is in a MLC? Another thing he told me once after the last big fight was that it wasn't me it was him and he didn't know why he hurts me. That it was like he had to get control and no one could help him but himself and that he didn't know why he wanted to hang out with a b?*#% like her instead of me. He was the only one who could fix it. HE still is with her so I guess he hasn't fixed it.
So I guess i will keep practicing Detachment and GAL. I am always here for you. It has to be tough being there with noo family. It is comforting you have your girls. My parents live 2 hours a way but my dad has anxiety and my mom is a worrier so I haven't said anything to them. My mom would go beserk. Is that weird that I am 48 years old and afraid to tell my parents because I don't want to upset them.
I do think my H is going through a MLC. He has gone from blaming me to saying it wasn't me it was him. Who knows? Everything you read says not believe everything they tell you. I know what you mean about not telling your family. I'm 44 and don't really share everything with my family. It hurts them and I'm not sure they fully understand why I put up with it. My aunt says to be careful that he is just being nice to me so I won't take him to the cleaners, so I just try to figure things out on my own. My dad has tried to be nonjudgemental, he is that type of person. I know that he is thinking that he wants to make it easier on me if we ever do get back together.
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
I think we are really visiting jumping back and forth on my two threads. our situations sound alot alike. It is just a tough situation. I go back and forth whether I tell them. I know my parents haven't liked how my H has treated me. We moved 2 years ago after selling our place that we had lived there for 22 years. It was such a neat place one in a life time places but we were in a partnership and his dad and brother wanted to sell. I think the boys and I were the only ones that didn't want to sell. What I was getting at when we were going thru things my husband was gone on a job. My mom told me to move our stuff and leave his in the yard. At that time he was treating me pretty bad. I think that was when the MLC started. I wish I had known about this site then. It would have sure helped. So that is about as much as I have told my parents. If they knew he had an A before and this one my mom would go nuts.....I think I haven't told them so if we do make it like you they won't be so judgemental.
I am over in the MLC forum, and Virginia ask me to come over here and check out your sitch. I have to go to work in about 5 minutes so I will be brief now, and come back later. You are on a very tough journey, and you have to give yourself ALOT of credit. You did not expect to be on this journey and it if one of the hardest things you will ever go through. I believe this is MLC. No one knows until he comes out of it. But what ever it is I would do some reading under the MLC forum, we have lots of great posts there that will strike a nerve with you, MLC Resources all links on one thread. Days and weeks of reading. Your husband is in a depression. He is covertly depressed, with major bouts of overt depression. Read anything you can get your hands on about men and depression. There is nothing you can do but take care of yourself. Leave him alone, as much as you can. All the DB principals apply.
He is the one with the problems. Do not let him suck you down there with him. Depression loves company, and from the sounds of the OW she fits the mold. She is on the same low frequency as your Husband. I got to get to work!
Hugs, Holly
Bomb 1/06 D dismissed 11/07, attempt reconciliation. Premature. Divorce final October 31, 2008. OW looks like bad history. Over. Still hopeful. Baby steps. In R with my X.
I had also posted on YOYO H is killing me. so I actually have two posts. I appreciate you taking the time to read my thread. At work during a break I read alittle of your post. Will try to read somemore tomorrow. I will post somemore and fill you in . I have to get some sleep tonite. Thanks for taking the time to talk to me. Til tomorrow. Thanks again
