Valentines day massacre

[outtaluck]

No...I really don't think there is much hope at this time. I really mean this just as a friendly gesture. She really has it in her head that I didn't contribute as much as to the household. Now I could argue her point by point...and prove her wrong...but that'd just add to the friction. Maybe I'm trying to prove to her I'm not the monster that she's making me out to be??

I got 21 days left here....after that, I'm not going to be the one to initiate contact....(unless its at 3am after a couple bottles of jack....KIDDING :-) )

I kinda just want to leave on a high note....

Also, she could probably get the money from OM.... she could forget all the drinks and crappy dinners he buys for her...but this is the kind of thing that could make him look like mr wonderful for a long time....not gonna let that happen...not on my watch...

So yeah, maybe a little ulterior motive there....but that was really an afterthought.

Funny story...BTW...as she was telling me about this guy...she finally let out how old he really is 53...15 yrs older than her...when she told me this I started laughing so hard...I was almost falling out of my chair...just the thought of myself getting so upset about this guy...I don't know...took alot of the sting away. I wonder what she was thinking as I was cracking up....I just couldn't hold it in....My W has turned into Anna Nichole...LOL

Was there at the school today to sign up....went by myself....really getting excited about the whole thing....I haven't been excited about much in a long time....teachers and staff seem like a good bunch of people....just getting a good vibe so far.

I had a friend at my old job that went to bartending school...always thought it was interesting....didn't know just how cheap it is to actually go...so its been bouncing around in my head for a while now....not just since W brought it up. Actually the school I was looking at was a bit more expensive...so I'm glad it worked out the way it did.

I'm really not doing this to be with her, but I am glad she'll be there with me...if only as a friend...I may be pretty naive I'll admit, but I'm not doing this in the name of hope....and if it turns out I was wrong and I regret doing this...I'll be here to be an example to the next sucker who wants to try this kind of thing.

Its also got me thinking of other courses or classes I might want to take...without her of course.... I feel like I want to leave the old me behind for a while...do a bunch of stuff I always wanted to do but never got around to.

Its weird...ok...I feel more detatched sometimes when I AM with her....like the things she's doing and saying are really turning me off to her. Its when I'm alone I create this fantasy where she's this all loving wonderful person...when I'm with her again reality smacks me in the head...and I realize just a little more each time...that for now I just may be better off without her....not that I don't love her still...just don't want her back as desperately as I did. If I do anything nice its more to prove to myself that I'm not like she said I am....

I don't know...I'm in less pain than I was....but I still got some frayed wires up in the ol noggin...affecting the thinking proccess.