The truth is that for the most part she is just as lost as she was in the beginning. Many publications hint that the life stage transition in crisis can last from two to five years and sometimes up to eight. Now sit down and breath.
The good news (if there is such a thing) is that for some time now she has been busily eliminating options to become "happy" ... as they have not worked. The MLCer lives in a different time zone than us and their life moves at a different speed. They don't know how long they have been struggling.
As the MLCer confronts their second adulthood they explore their mortality and spiritual center. Sounds like she has included that in her interests. If they have originally isolated themselves and cut off the kids, they begin to reconnect. Sounds like she is working to keep a bond with the kids.
You however are the one thing that has been with her the longest, and you are most likely to get credit for her life long bought of low self esteem and depression. The ones that attributed the most to this in her youth, they aren't even at the epicenter of the storm to get the blame they deserve. You will have to carry the blame for them. You will carry the blame for not having healed her pains in the past. You will be the thing she fears the most, her primary link to her painful past. Coming back to you will be viewed as terribly risky, on her best day. How can you ever forgive her indiscretions? How can you ever forgive the pain she has caused you? How can she come back to that? They often rationalize a D just to set you free from your painful waiting.
There is little or nothing you can do for her other than take care of yourself as if she is not coming back. Live your life for you. If you can do this, and STAND for your M without taking on an OW it will be wonderful. You just have to do this with no guarantee that things will get better, and may go totally south.
There are now several books out there getting mentioned by T who are seeing MLCers. Most of them written to the female reader show MLC as a cocoon. They give different analogies and approaches that all lead to the one unavoidable ending, the MLCer will exit the cocoon when ready, as a new person with a new life. Understand that many of the MLCers feel they can only be this new complete person by abandoning all that held them back and the H is the first dead weight to be shed.
Welcome to MLC. Keep reading all you can. Being informed is powerful when you struggle with the goal of Standing in the face of MLC.
