You need to step back; you are an MLCer waiting to happen.
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I will have other relationships. No lying about it. Just point blank honesty. "If you dont want me then someone else will!" Its better then being a liar or cheater.
In what bizarro world is preconfession of SINS maek it better than lieing?
I'll tell you where...in the logic of the MLC tunnel.
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its just words but dont you think it would give her the kick in the ass she needs?
No, it is NOT just words. It is cruel and manipulative.
Sure it'll give her a kick in the ass...it will give her the justification she wants to leave. It will help her feel even more guilty. Saying what you did--is throwing her affair back in her face.
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I cant for the life of me figure what Im doing wrong.
Let's put aside the above and look at what you are doing wrong. Hmm...being a good Dad, being a responsible spouse, cooking, celaning, working etc.
Okay...here's something...
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She asked if I want out or something. I said NO! I have lost everything twice. I AM NOT moving out, losing my house or my kid. I AM NOT going to embarrass myself AGAIN to all my friends and family. I said i will stay in a shell of a marriage and see women on the side. She was shocked but I dont care. I told her I have loved her and stood by her but Im not getting [censored] on again.
Wow...there is a lot of anger in there. Here's what you reveleaed in that statement.
You motivations for staying in your marraige are not about her--not about Love. They are about you...avoidance of shame/embarrassment Martyr yourself for your daughter You don't want to be [censored] on again--so what is being dumped on your now...by both you and your MLCer?
I personally believe it is impossible to hate someone unless you love them. I cannot hate Hitler...too much energy etc. But Sweetheart...because I open myself up to be vulnerable to him, he has more power to hurt me emotionally. Part of Eros-Love is making oneself vulnerable. I see emotions in a circular graph...like a clock face. If Love is at 12:00, Hate is at 11:59:59.
And so the biggest thing you revelaed is Hate. You love her so much that you hate her and you want to make her pay by remaining in misery in your marriage...you are holding a gun to her head.
But it is to yours also. Is that really how you want to live?
Look at what I have said and think about these things.
You've been patient....and sorry, it's going to take more of the same. You need to find a SAFE outlet for these frustrations.
And you also need to commit to counselling...none of the go for a few weeks and stop. Go alone if she backs out...you've got to be the example...the lighthouse.
And right now, you need personal counseling to handle yourself and you own frustrations.
