I have told him I am not having an affair and that two wrongs don't make a right, he just says do you think I am stupid? I have minimum contact w/ him even though we live in the same house. Since he is now sleeping in the other room and I am not asking him to sleep w/ me, I have my oldest daughter sleeping w/ me. I think someone once told me to not have her sleep w/ me in case H decides he wants to come to bed? What is your male opinion?
iluvme, Wow! Your H sounds as mean as me. Mine also has cooked for only himself and I was not aloud to eat from his food. He never answers mu phone calls so I have stopped calling no reasion to anyways. I think my H doesn't know what the heck is going on w/ me and I have thrown him for aloop b/c this not "adoring" or putting him on a pedestal anymore is totally not me, just my opposite.
I think someone once told me to not have her sleep w/ me in case H decides he wants to come to bed? What is your male opinion?
I doubt it fosters any passion in him during the middle of the night. If he can't pick her up and place her in her own bed or if he doesn't want to take the chance on waking her up, he isn't going to make the effort. This is a contentious issue even for "happily" married people. It's hard enough to get alone time with kids in the house, your marital bed should remain a "kid free" zone.
If you want to leave the "vacancy" sign up for him, it's best she sleeps in her own bed.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
AST, Ok! I was sort of thinking along the same lines, ONLY what if now I feel like the WAW???? Maybe , I feel like I don't want him near me. He will not respect the boundaries regarding sleep over w/ kids at OW, etc. I am tried of his continues escalating abuse. So I am detaching, limiting any conversation unless he starts to talk about anything and just plain ol staying out of his same space. I don't know if he will ever reflect b/c he has always been selfish and now its worse, but at least I am trying to show him I will not put up w/ it anymore. Now that I have turned the tables and told I am ready to sign the D papers...he sits on his butt and does nothing!!!
You might still be conflicted or on the fence chicki. I know how this feels. Your in between giving up and continuing the battle. You wouldn't have asked the question about d sleeping in your bed if somewhere deep inside you wished he would join you. Your still angry at him though, so it's probably not going to happen anytime soon. Anger is the biggest passion killer out there.
Again, if you want to set boundaries in bed, then that is a reasonable boundary to set under your circumstances. No one would fault you for this.
"It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare." -Mark Twain
Well, I emailed him this morning that we are now going to need a schedule w/ the kids for on the weekends b/c the last two weekends he has been taking them over to OW's house and now they are all mine for the next two weekends. Disney on Ice is coming next weekend and even though H usually takes (all) including me (in the past), I told him I was taking the girls this time. He was not a happy camper. Thats when he said since I have so much $$ and since my credit is better that I can buy the house from him. I reminded him of his original plan (back when he was "done") that I could stay in the house if we changed the electric to my name and thats all I would pay. I really like the idea now more and more. He said no!!!! That it was his house and he wasn't leaving. I said why not live w/her permanately since he loves spending the nites there so much and especially NOW he has tried it by "playing family" and staying there w/ my girls.
UGH!!!!!!! Has anyone actually used the term cake eating and told your S to get off that fence? Mine is getting way too fat!
I emailed H yesturday and told him that if his mom only knew about what he was doing she would know that history is repeating itself again and that I was not like her mother and will no longer be in a loveless marriage. H's father has been unfaithful all through their marriage and he is also an alcholic. My H even has a step brother out of wedlock. I wrote him that I have given him 8 months of space to figure things out and that if he truly wants to be w/ OW than he needed to end things w/ me forever. I knew I would not get a response and I did not expect one. Every now and then whether it registers or not, I will send him notes to let him know how I feel. I said that sadly enough his staying overnights was really not affecting me like before b/c I have become numb. I said I have taken all the meaness and disrepect that I was going to take. I know I posted the question of should I or not have my daughter sleep w/ me now that H is staying in another room, well I thought about it and came to the conclusion that this will be how I set my boundaries (since just stating them is not working), w/ my daughter in my bed I am letting him know that when he is thru w/ the OW, then he can come back to sleep in out bed. Can you believe I am feeling sorry for the selfish jerk b/c the futon he is sleeping in is very hard and uncomfortable???
The girls did not want to go to church w/ me last night so I waited until H got home and asked him to stay w/ her unless of course he had plans on leaving again (nicely). I also,but sarcastically told him I would be back early enough for him to leave just in time for his booty call. Strangely enough he was in a very playful mood! I forget at times when he is like this it is when he feels guilty and he way of apologizing. I am really trying to do a 180 for me by sticking to the stated boundaries and show him I meant what I said. Again this morning he reinerated that he was not leaving his house!UGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I wonder if he is refusing to leave because he thinks you want him to leave. He may think that if he leaves he is letting you control the situation. He does not want that at all, he wants to be in control.
