To comment on a couple of your questions from December:
"why is it that after six years of this nightmare it's still not over?" Because you choose to accept your M. You choose to continue to play your part in the nightmare.
"Is piecing really supposed to be like this?" Easy one -- No.
"Am I even piecing?" No. There is no collaboration in your M to find a healthy, vibrant, loving R with someone you are committed to spending the rest of your life with.
" Why do I feel like I'm simply exsisting here?" My guess -- because you do not love your husband, you do not think he is a man you could ever love or respect, and you are afraid to admit that. Numb acceptance of the status quo is the most you can manage without facing the truth and making choices appropriate to it.
It is time for you to do something VERY different. GET A LIFE. No, this doesn't mean more dinners out with friends and extra volunteering. It means you need to GET A LIFE THAT YOU WANT TO LEAD. GET A LIFE that is good to you and good for you.
GET UNSTUCK. FIND HAPPINESS. MAKE YOUR OWN LIFE A GOOD ONE FOR YOURSELF.
Find a C and figure out what you really want. Then make it happen.
