M: 39 H: 42 D1 Married 14 years in August October 06: ILYBINILWY OW: 22 (and a psychological nightmare, from all indications)
Now I am at a point where I am tired of supporting him, esp. as he has started running around with OW. I am thinking of asking him to leave because it's hard for me to be detached, for one thing, and for another I think he's cake eating.
I feel like some guys understand this better than women and would be especially interested in their POV.
Breton, You need to think about why it's hard for you to detach. How are you doing at your DB efforts? How well are taking care of yourself? How connected to the world and people are you? Do you have enjoyable and stimulating hobbies? I know you have the joy and responsibility of raising a child--my guess is this is helping you thru this.
What is the quality of your R like? Has he abandoned you? Do you spend any positive time together?
How long have you been thinking about a separation? What would you want a separation to accomplish? What are the unresolved issues in your M? What are the positives in your M? Are you seeing any hopeful signs from him?
A separation should be a thoughtful decision. What would have to be different for you two to reconcile, if there was a separation?
I don't think there's anything a LBS can do to abruptly terminate an A, so don't do a separation solely for that purpose. I think the WAS has to see that their escape is no longer working for them, and they have to face reality, and look at their lives in a more positive way.
I hope this helps you in making a difficult decision.
CL
CL 53 W 54 M 20 yrs. 03'-09' Separation + Old Patterns + GAL 10-14' Piecing
"The Master allows things to happen. She shapes events as they come."
