My weekend felt like it was from a dream--H has moved home, took me out on a date, spent most of the weekend with me and the kids, went to church yesterday, has been thoughtful and affectionate and loving.
Blink. Blink.
I am so appreciative of the things he is doing, and sure to let him know, but am really feeling conflicted, worried about his motives--is this for real? Compulsive lying and manipulation...these things don't just disappear after five days of effort. And what of the possibility that the five days have been for show?
I feel torn between giving him time to show me the changes are for real (feelings follow action) and the compulsion to protect myself. After so many months of praying for a change of heart, it feels wrong to me to not be grateful for what is happening now.
The kids are ecstatic to have him home. He's doing mostly what I've needed for so long. So why am I waking each morning with anxiety in my heart?
