Lin, your description of your husband's behavior at the Italian buffet made me laugh. Sometimes these child-men are funniest when they are not trying. Usually. I thought your reaction to this almost awkward situation was perfect. I do admire your perspective and patience.
I hope you have a lovely Easter. I hope your weather is divine as well. {In some far off galaxy, it must be balmy and spring-like. I will soon be gulping 'attitude improvers' if the bad weather HERE does not relent soon.}
Well today his little tantrums continued...he is diabetic and yesterday consumed for breakfast a sausage Jack sandwich, hashbrowns, coffee with cream and sugar, and two...count them...two donuts!...then for lunch it gets better....two cookies!...so when we got home after the buffett (I have no idea what he ate and frankly by this point could have cared less if he had asked for a bag of steer manure!)he wasn't feeling well...duh!!!
Then this morning he only wanted toast...I said you need more then toast (I should know better)...he said okay, toast and peanut butter...then I asked what he wanted me to pack for his lunch..."nothing"....okay so we are going all day on toast with peanut butter and you think this will make you feel better!!!...he said "I ate too much yesterday anyway!"...NO KIDDING!!!...So I asked if he would eat eggs if I fixed them with the toast so he at least would have a protien to balance out the carbs...he said he would...got home tonight and there were the eggs...he ate only a banana at lunch after coming over to me to look and see what I packed him...I was pissed so I only packed a banana and a protien drink which I knew he wouldn't drink....
Tonight I asked if he would eat dinner if I fixed it...he said he would...we'll see...
Tomorrow I am going to speak to one of our religious counselors about his behavior and treatment of me...he seems to think it is all me (sound familiar???)....can they go through replay after being out of the tunnel for almost a year???
He is just acting so so very stupid...I told him if he had another stroke and ended up in diapers he better know how he was getting them changed because I refuse to care for someone who refused to take care of themself!!!
I am ready to explode right now...I have heard the words "I love you" but it doesn't feel that way at all...I feel so used right now....
"....can they go through replay after being out of the tunnel for almost a year???" you wondered.
They can, they do, and they effing will!
It seems your husband has picked his own health as the new battle ground. Are you afraid to "drop the rope"? If you can, do it. You sound ready to string him up, sugar blues and all!
If this were your friend Tam would you tell her to stop mothering him? I think that is what I would say to her if she were struggling to make her husband care for himself. YOU would see it in a moment. Imlin would beg her to stop right now.
Why don't you laugh and tell him to enjoy his oreos. Fire up the Fry-Baby and start making greasy little egg rolls! Soon he would, after accusing you of trying to kill him, start begging for spinach salads... He is jerking your chain. Get creative about responding. Or not.
I hope you stay cheerful, but don't fix dinner especially for him.
Are you too angry to joke about his diet derailment?
My mother and father used to do this diet dance. Food wars. It is safer to 'fight' about food than about what might need talking over. Maybeee. I don't know it all.
I had just left you a little note on 2940 where you described the Italian Buffett. Does it not fail to amaze me how they can act like such babies.
Flicka might have the right idea. He might just need to pack his own lunch. Iknow it so much easier to give the advice then for me to follow thru with it too. Sometimes the repurcution (spelling my mind spelling has gone blank)) isn't worth it. I have been there but as I am pushed farther into these situations. I realize I help build these actions by doing things for them instead of putting my foot down. We enable them and it is hard to break that. I am struggling with it.
DId you put dessert in is Lunch??? ( HA) It is his responsibility to eat what he needs.
Hang in there...We are here for you just like you are here for us.
Actually we were at a religious assembly both yesterday and today...I always pack the family lunch...yesterday I packed a steak salad but he disappeared after eating the cookies and never ate the salad... Today, I asked if he wanted the salad for lunch and he said "no"..so I didn't pack it...the only reason I threw in the protien drink was on the off chance he decided he needed something more... I didn't fix dinner just for him and he was a bit miffed that I didn't buy more bread to go with dinner...only one slice for each of us...sort of sent him pouting...again, he eats the fish with a healthy dose of tartar sauce, almonds, 1 piece of bread, and no salad...although he did go back to the kitchen so who knows... He is eating in bed watching the ball game...I really want to go to bed but I chased him out last night and he made my daughter give up her show watching in the front room for him to watch his game...I don't want to do that to the girls again tonight...it sucks when he is like this... When he was working he seemed to do better and treat me nicer...now I feel like he just takes me for granted...not only that but his brother called last night(obviously drunk)and wanted to know what was wrong with H...I told him I didn't know...he wanted to know why he doesn't call him or his mom...again, I don't know...he asked if he was alright...I said physically maybe, emotionally I am not sure...he put his mom on the phone and she asked just the normal how are you doing...they never call me...a month ago I called them both and asked if I had offended them because they only call and ask for H...with us back together I wanted to feel part of the family...they were both very nice, said I hadn't done anything....and they were sorry for ignoring me...so his brother said that since I cared enough to call them he was calling me and didn't want to speak to his brother...just tell him he called...I didn't tell H right away that they called because he was watching game and I was in bed watching TV with D22...the phone rings a short bit later...brother is really pissed and says he wants to talk to his brother...so I take phone to H...I hear H get sarcastic and say good bye...I later get phone back into the room and brother calls back about 20 minutes later...H tells him that he won't accept anyone pushing him around or talking to him the way he was so he hung up....before long, he hangs up again...no more calls...I am sure he really pissed off the family...I don't understand what all is going on there...H seems to want to avoid them...his brother did say that his mom had given him 10K last year...I heard mother get upset in the background for telling me...nothing knew...H took money and credit cash from anyone he could...he is so deep in debt it isn't funny...
I am not sure what is going on...not sure I should even try and open that can of worms...I like his family a lot...I reunited them all since they had been seperated since the kids were little...only H and his sister were together...brother was adopted and mother was not allowed to see him...it was not her fault...bad family involved...
Oh well....I am mentally toasted right now...need chocolate...have to get up at 5 am for a full day of driving...while H sits home pretending to look for a job...
My sister told me today that D20 feels I begged H to come home and too soon...I didn't feel I begged him to come home but accomidated it...and I agree maybe it was too soon...but now with no job, no money, no friends that can take him in...what do I do???...maybe our Elders will have some sound advice and maybe...just maybe it will touch H and make him realize that this time he has everything to lose...
I just wanted to let you know. We are here for you. You have been so good to all of us.
Sounds like he is really depressed and doesn't want to deal with anything. He has a chip on his shoulder at the world. You have to dont let it get you down. You have been thru so much.
I have to get ready to go to work. I can't post at work but hang in there. You give such good advice and are so supportive hang in there. We are here to support you.
I have to run to work. Just think this is going to be a great day and can only get better......
Take Care. Let him take care of his own lunch today. He can't be to busy to help him self.
I just had a thought as i was out working tonight. a friend gave me a book to read called "Emotional Blackmail" by Susan Forward.
Please get it and read it. It fits all of us one way or another. We all use it at one time or another but some people abuse it more than others. Like our H. I think if you haven't read it Please do. Like my friend told me not all of it will fit but some of it does. Pick and choose. I have given it to some friends of mine and they are showing it to there other friends too.
I hope it might help Please let me know. Hang in there.
Imlin, I'm sorry your H is acting this way. You have been here for so many people and I hate that you are going through this.
I don't mean to make light of your complaints of your H's eating, but it reminded me of a joke. I think we all need humor once in a while.
There once were three men working construction on a high rise, a mexican, an irish man, and a polish man. They were sitting on a high beam eating their lunch. The mexican opened his lunch and said "Oh, not not a burrito again. If my lunch has a burrito in it tomorrow I will jump off and kill myself." The irish man opened his lunch and said "Corned Beef again, I hate Corned Beef. If it's in my lunch tomorrow, I will jump too." The polish man open his lunch and said " I have polish sausage. I hate them. If I have the same lunch tomorrow I will jump too." Well the next day the construction men opened up their lunches and had the very same lunches as the day before. And true to their words they all jumped to their deaths. Their funerals were all held the same day. The widow of the mexican said "If I'd only known how much he hated burritos I would have fixed something else." The Irish widow said " Why didn't he tell me he hated corned beef." They both looked at the Polish widow and she said " Why are you looking at me? I didn't fix his lunch!"
Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you, they're supposed to help you discover who you are. -- Bernice Johnson Reagon
