Hi Ford, I don't know, just feels like I cycle through long periods of calm in the eye of the storm and then have these rants where I just want to take my kids to safety, beat the living sh!t out of OM, and send my wife packing. But then I get some words of advice, chew on it for a day or two and start to see how sick she is, only to ramp back up in a week or two, and fantasize about taking a ball bat to this m@therf*cker's head and tell my wife
Dude, this is normal. I see it as an internal fight caused by mixed messages. The red blooded male in you wants to fight to protect your turf. the other side is trying to act like everything is ok and hope things work out for the best. it sucks.
let me tell you how I see MLC and it's effects on people.
I don't buy for a minute that they're sick. Their actions are as sick as can be, but they're not mentally ill by any means, they choose to do the things they're doing. 99% of us get to a point where we question what we've done and where we are going, the one's without character act on it, the respectful. stand up guys and gals such as yourself, shrug it off and continue on with life.
I see two sides to the calling the MLCer sick. the LBS, who are so incredibly in pain and in shock, they simply cannot accept that the person they thought they knew and loved, and TRUSTED with their life, would do the things they do, so they rationalize their spouses actions as "being sick" or "in crisis". it's easier to swallow all the crap when you classify it as a sickness, I know, I did it too when I first got here.
the second user of the sick term is the MLCer, they hide behind it like a shield, they rape and pillage at will and will continue to do so as long as their options are still open. we've seen it here on the boards, once the MLCer's option are depleted, they suddenly "come out of the fog". they say, " yeah I was horrible, but I was SICK"
the agony of wanting our life back can make us do and accept things we never normally would, I'm sure you can see this now. so don't let her skip out on taking responsibility for her action, you can't control her, but if she is putting kittens in the oven, you sure as hell don't have to call em biscuits.
The longer this stuff goes on, the more blurred the line between good and respectful behavior and the totally outrageous antics, becomes.
like I said, you can't control her, but I'd stop with any sort of subsidizing or enabling behavior. options. as long as they can live the fantasy and still have the option of going back to the safe, old life, they will continue marching on.
I think not going into her appt was great, it showed that you have a boundary about going into and validating the loveshack of shame.
81, you're a good man, you're just still shell shocked, after 26 yrs, you are entitled to your feelings.
take this time as a gift. use it to find out who you are. make you the best you possible. if she comes back, you'll both be the beneficiary of a new and improved 81. if not, you and your children will reach a level of closeness that you've never had before.
